Depressed, deprived, sullen.

I was tired of all my playlists today. So I went to look at the top 100 US songs and it was a bit disappointing. Over 80 percent male, over 75 percent rap or en Espanol. I’m Hispanic and I still find it disturbing that so much music that is not in English is in the top 100 songs. Don’t ask my why. I get supply and demand but it still bothers me. There was a little bit of country, a few ballads, and some pop thrown in, but overall it was nothing all that enjoyable.

Where are the songs that are uplifting? Where are the songs that cross cultures? The music that unites and makes us feel good? The Izzy songs. The Beatles songs? The heartfelt Franti songs? There seems to be soo much anger and despair right now & don’t even get me started on Ariana’s break up with your girlfriend because I’m bored song. If popular music is any indication of current culture we are all in a state of disarray…..to say the least.

———

I want to feel good. I want to feel centered and calm; peaceful within myself….irregardless of what is happening outside of me. But today I am allowing that inside I feel rather melancholic and unsure. Life is completely unpredictable really so to feel unsure is actually not incorrect. There is no reason for that feeling in and of itself to give pause.

———–

This parasite cleanse will last about 3 weeks. I know afterwards I’ll feel better: have a clearer head, more functional body, stronger immune system, better emotional balance adaptability. So that will be a good time frame to just allow that these next three weeks may be emotionally tumultuous and just go with it. It’s a win/win I suppose. Giving myself permission to be a bit scattered.

Trying to hold compassion for myself and find the determination to keep going when I just want to roll up into a ball and say “fuck it, you all do whatever you want to; I’m over this!”. Lol. I mean that is a choice. It is an option.

Not a particularly good one, not one I am allowing myself, but I guess knowing it’s there keeps me on my toes a bit and gives me a small thing to be able to pat myself on the back for. I haven’t given up. I haven’t thrown in the towel on life and striving and for today that’s going to have to be good enough. Because that’s all I’ve got.

Now I have to go find a decent playlist…..I should put something on to either make myself cry or dance my ass off with. I definitely need some catharsis in my life. I really do! And sex is off the list right now unfortunately.

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Author: porngirl3

I have always enjoyed reading and writing. Maybe because I have always been on the quiet and reclusive side; which most people may not guess at first glance or if seeing me in a social setting, especially around people I am comfortable with but it’s also not something I have an issue with. I need solitude to recharge. Writing gives me the peace and time to renew myself...here that is offered to you for your enjoyment and pleasure as well. I hope. Lol

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