It’s easy to judge people when you haven’t lived through their difficulties. It’s easy to stand on high moral ground when you haven’t had your world devastated in incomprehensible ways and put in situations that you had/have no control over. When your soul can stay pristine because it has never been challenged otherwise.
It is much harder to walk with evil, to see the darkness, to understand true depravity and know the depths of the worst circumstances in this world……and yet still see light….to still see the beauty in this world….to still hold tight to the divinity within as well as cherish that which aligns with deep love without*.
I don’t know everything or hardly anything really, but I do know what I choose to focus on. I do know who I choose to be inside. I do know within the spectrum that is available in this life where I am setting my aim. I am also clear on where I want to go after this lifetime and how I want to spend the little bit I have to spend here feeling**.
I don’t know what else is in store for me. I don’t know what more trials and tribulations I will endure. I don’t have a crystal ball. I hope I can keep rising to each challenge. I hope I never let the flames within my soul be squelched again. I hope beyond all hope I can somehow, someway help this world redirect before it kills itself…..but if that’s its chart then that’s its course. It’s not my privilege or job or in my control exactly.
But the vision I had with the vortex and with Hairy comes back to me repeatedly lately. Where I asked why I should care? Why I should do anything? Why I should bother myself with this dance between the forces of good and evil? I think to when I was shown the graves. I suppose I was to infer that if I didn’t act I would be complicit in those deaths, which seems more feasible than to believe that I somehow have the power to save people.
It’s all still rather confusing on some ends, but I’m still here. I’m still plugging along, so I guess there is a purpose to this. A reason for me to be here, where I am, at this moment in space and time. Even if I can’t clearly see it all. I choose to believe this and that gives me hope and reassurance and comfort. God knows the world often makes one feel crazy and disconnected. So I’ll definitely take the blessings of the deep and powerful beauty I feel inside when I think of divinty. With gratitude. With humility. With prayer. With love.
Time for bed…or mayhem. Sometimes I can’t decide.
*As in outside of oneself
**I want to feel safe, content and at peace within myself, no matter what is happening outside of me. At least that’s the goal.