He called me frigid. I laughed but it actually hurt. I’ve never been called that before, not even jokingly. He asked me if I was capable of orgasming? “I can.” Is all I timidly managed to say. What else is there to say?
There are so many reasons that it just doesn’t work between us. I don’t want to numerate them. I don’t want to rehash it. If anything it made me really sad.
For one because my body has finally caught up to my emotions. It no longer functions independent of them. If I’m not feeling sexual, if I’m not feeling safe, if my heart feels threatened, my vagina follows suit. Mostly. It can be overrode still sometimes. But in general I’m a slave to a whole body, spirit, mind thing now. I can’t compartamentalize myself as well as I used to.
It’s a good thing. Even if sometimes it doesn’t feel that way. What was I suppose to say to that anyway? Seemed a hurtful question to begin with. It definitely wasn’t a “how can I help?” thing. It felt more like a “what’s wrong with you?” situation. At the point a relationship has gotten so adversarial that it’s a me vs you scenario what’s the point anymore. No?
I guess we shall see what the next adventure brings sexually. I’m not in a hurry. I would like to be driven to mad lust before I embark on any new journey that way. And being a sapiosexual as well as very tactile makes lust tangible on many levels not just visually and sensually. But if I never have sex again I can’t say I’d feel like it was the worst thing in the world. There are plenty of fulfilling things to do that don’t involve sex.
Life is one grand adventure. I’m just paddling my way through. And no……for the record, I’m not frigid. 🙄🙄🙄