So I was telling Brad and Aaron about the “Dear John” situation on my blog comments, since neither read my blog (supposedly). I was telling them that I don’t particularly feel threatened although that does seem the purpose of the commentary. But whatever happens happens. Whoever this is could die of a stroke tomorrow and judging from their anger and evil outpouring that may just happen. Right? Lol*
I personally don’t believe this situation is what it claims to be, but not knowing the complete truth I prefer to simply not care. Some things and people are better disregarded and this is all I want to keep saying about that. But Brad says to me “don’t think about it any further, just think about me”.
Then my lunch came and I was able to sit outside for 15 minutes and look at the beautiful skyline and eat while listening to music.
And my thoughts went to Brad and Aaron and the men I’ve had in my life and how Brad has referred to himself as my soul mate and yet not trying to hurt him I’ve had to tell him to stop saying that.
And I started to cry a little wondering where the hell my “soulmate” is. The person meant to love me through all space and time. The person meant to understand me deeply, love me unconditionally and support me and be there for me always in all ways possible. And I wonder if that’s even meant to happen in this lifetime?
And then it struck me that when I prayed this morning I prayed for many things I deeply care about and that it hadn’t occured to me to pray for this at all and I wondered why. I guess, in the grand scheme of things, in the entirety of what will be my life, maybe…. even though I’ve wanted this so deeply for so long, maybe I realize that this isn’t the end-all, be-all part of my life. In the grand scheme of things if it never happens it won’t make my life insignificant not having had it. It’s a sad and a liberating thought both at the same time.
Yesterday as we were traveling home the girls and I got caught in local traffic and a young girl in a car in the opposite direction was waving at traffic as she passed by and my daughter commented on how cute that was. (I hadn’t seen it). And I said that it would make the commute so much better if there were people with signs waving and welcoming them home on the sidewalk.
That this indeed was like a slow moving parade of cars only not very fun. But if it was more like a ticker tape parade for the people driving through, especially as slow as it was going, it would probably be quite fun indeed. Or at least less not fun. Lol
*Not funny ha ha, but you know what I mean I’m sure.