Precipice

I stare

Eyes so wide they feel ready to burst

Heart accelerated

Breathing rapidly

I keep looking down at the wide expanse

My toes and ball of my feet half into the abyss

I am steady

But I can’t stop staring

Is it panic that makes me so still

I can feel my organs beating in my chest

Shouldn’t I step back

Shouldn’t I retreat

Why does it feel like it’s calling my name

The clouds are deceptive

Soft, cool, beautiful unending depth

I tell myself a mantra

Even if I don’t now fully believe it all

I say it

And I say it

Over and over

Over and over

Until it sinks in

To a deeper level

Until the panic subsides

I sing it

I yell it

Whatever it takes
To feel safe inside

“I love my life

I am in love with my life

I am not afraid

I am not afraid

I am grateful

I am grateful”

And the precipice begins to fade