Lately I’ve been craving a real Dominant in my life. Not just the sexual stuff Brad does, but a Dominant that I can trust with my entire life and choices. I’m going to sound like a big ass here, but I’ve never met a man I felt capable of that. Not because I’m a bonafied “the taming of the shrew” Katherine character, but because I can spot men’s character flaws a mile away and I feel better qualified to make decisions, especially about my own life.
Plus I am not the submissive type outside of the bedroom one bit. I am docile and I am accommodating, but even that has its limits. Most men hit that limit quicky and then the eye rolling and laughter starts in. And nothing hits the male ego harder than a woman outright laughing at their behavior when they feel they are correct, especially when it’s in a way that clearly says “you’re a moron”. Not just because a lot of men can’t really laugh at themselves but because I’m usually right.
But I can see the real value of being accountable to someone. Which is why I take my own role as Domme very, very seriously. Not only because of the responsibility of that but also the vulnerability and transparency required from the sub. I understand what it is to ask for full compliance as well as complete openness and honesty. But a real Dominance and submissive relationship, especially outside of sex absolutely requires this.
Which is why when men have asked me to Domme them I understand all they really want is sexual dominance in whatever that looks like in their sexual fantasies and not really much more than that. Which would be fine if I did that for a living and they paid me for it. But otherwise why would I waste my time and energy. What’s in it for me? Dominating just to dominate in the fashion someone else wants to be dominated is work. Fun work, but work none the less.
I’ve said all this before but now I see it as more of my own desires to be submissive. To be submissive to a man that I hold in high reverence, but truthfully and unfortunately I don’t see many if not any men that way. I can usually see so clearly where men fail themselves that it makes it impossible for me to fully give myself to any one of them. At least that’s been the case. And not being ever in a position to be that vulnerable with a man is my scapegoat from having a level playing field. It’s my way to guard my heart.
Not that it’s saved me from heartache, but it has and does save me from myself.
Truthfully I’d feel better giving my life decisions over to a woman. I’ve met some women that I would absolutely, unequivocally trust in that fashion. But that wouldn’t combine and satisfy my sexual needs too….. would it? Could it? Should it?
This is what I love so much about the polyamory movement. Which can be extrapolated out to highly intimate relationships as well, not just sexual. There is room for all kinds of needs to be met by different people. Because it’s a lot to put on one person alone sometimes. Maybe. And if your life can be enriched and benefited by allowing others to fulfil your needs it will create a positive ripple effect in your entire life and all other relationships. Theoretically. Right?
That does seem to be the point of it at least.