The way I see my life
Because it is my life
Is me on top of my singular pyramid
I am standing at the pinnacle
Lifting my eyes to the sky
“I’m here, this is me!”
Under my pyramid is Mother Earth
All the things with which I would not exist had they not existed first….
Each point of the pyramid beneath me
Is each of my daughters
And the man I love
They are not beneath me per se
They are my strength
They are my reasons for living
They are what gives me direction and purpose
Within the pyramid is every belief, experience, understanding, interpretation of my entire life
Everything within is in flux
So the walls are a solid yet permeable material
While all is clearly visible within; nothing is tangible to anyone else
Because it is after all my life.
I’ve had dreams and visions of having my own little family since early childhood
I’ve prayed and envisioned a love like no other since my young teenage years
And yet here I stand 30 plus years later
Still here wondering, hoping, praying
Feeling no closer really
I was crying last night wondering if I would be better served just thinking of myself as triangle. It’s funny now thinking of it. I just don’t think I can let go of the one of the most powerful dreams that I’ve held for so very long.
I suppose maybe that could give way for new dreams. But who am I trying to kid here? I am hyper-sexual. Not that I am equating sex to love. That is absolutely not the case.
I don’t know really.
When I listened to a lot of love songs as a child I would not see them as men singing to me the girl but I would be the singer singing to my beloved. Songs like
Right Down the Line – Gerry Rafferty
They was how I wanted to feel for someone. That was how I primarily saw it and I never even questioned or understood how I was putting myself in the “male” perspective.
But love doesn’t have a perspective. Does it?
I have no idea what I’m doing here. Has anyone gotten that? I’m just plugging along still finding my way through whatever this journey is suppose to be.
I know I’ve been promised nothing and given much and I’m comparing myself to no one. Grateful for all I have and am and if at the end of it all I am indeed just a triangle. So be it. That will be more than ok too. Won’t it?
Technically a pyramid can be triangular. But this is all very metaphorical if that wasn’t quite obvious. Lol