Devotion is a funny thing
Because theoretically it should be bidirectional
But that doesn’t mean it’s equal
Society is very used to women being the ones to sacrifice and put the male and family needs first
But that isn’t how I like my relationships to go
I am utterly and obsessively devoted to the men I love
But in my own way
Possessively
All encompassing
Exponentially
Never-endingly
But my needs must be met FIRST
And this isn’t something a lot of men understand
——–
Maybe I should just give up on love. I seem to do it all wrong anyway. And I can’t settle for the way the majority of people seem to navigate their sex lives…. let alone the lack of true devotion, or what I understand to be devotion.
Kurt would send me articles and tell me repeatedly to study Femdom. He wanted me to study the rituals and the protocols. Yes fine. I understand the reasoning for this. But true devotion and love yield themselves to the relationship and its needs.
———–
I feel so often deeply misunderstood in life and yet I think I’m the easiest person to understand because I’m the most honest person I know, except for drunks and little kids. I will, generally speaking, answer almost any question with complete sincerity. Because I don’t see the point of communicating if lies and deceit are part of the equation. Maybe other people enjoy that kind of thing.
But I don’t see the point. Lying is easy. Any fool can lie. The truth and being vulnerable and showing those two aspects of your deepest self; that is hard. That is the communication I want from the world. That is what I strive to give.
Devotion seems a thing of mythical proportions to me sometimes, something that was lost in another place and time. Yet everyone seems to want to talk that talk, and seek devotion, but so very, very few seem to be able to really walk that walk.
I think that by its very definition a femdom relationship must be unequal. The power dynamic requires inequality of power and position for it to work. We are conditioned to believe that unequal means unfair. I do not think a power exchange relationship is unfair. The players have different needs and desires. No one should be looking for fair or equal in these settings. When a man chooses to serve a woman he is giving up his power in the relationship and agreeing to follow her lead and guidance. His devotion to her means putting her needs before his own. When and if his needs are met should be at her discretion.
This is hard for most men to comprehend or except. Male privilege has led us to believe that our needs should come first and most BDSM porn reinforces the notion that it is all about the man. To truly is set aside your wants and desires and accept that they are secondary to your partners is hard for many people, but is much harder for those from white male privilege.
So I am not surprised at your experiences. Men are stubborn selfish creature used to getting what they want. But I am here to tell you that there are those that get it and desire what you desire. Don’t give up the search. You will find your unicorn eventually.
Hugs,
Tristan
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Thank you! 💖🌈💋🥰
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