Maybe because I have had bouts of very severe depression in my life. Maybe because I’ve ended up in the ER on a failed suicide attempt. Maybe because the world haunts me if I let it. I know myself. I’ve learned. I can’t look at gore and the travesties in life and not succumb to darkness. I can get triggered into my PTSD very easily.
I feel for all those Facebook monitors that have to see horrendously hideous videos and content all day long. It’s no wonder they suffer from severe mental health deterioration. This on top of very bad work conditions, quota stress and basic workers rights, like a clean bathroom, let alone decent benefits.
Facebook, one of the richest companies, has contract companies it hires and monitors that have abysmal conditions. Conditions we are more used to seeing oversees and/or in sweat shops. But because the companies wanted the benefits of the nuances of having actual Americans overseeing predominantly American content, most of the contractors seem to be based in the US. Now I’m not trying to jump into the Facebook war.
Frankly even though I utilize it I’ve hated it for years. I hate the lack of freedom from surveillance and transparency of how they monetize my information, who they share it with and the lack of power in protecting my own data and history and now the way they are monitoring and disposing of content that is not even “bad” per se, but just goes against or for an agenda. But this goes for all those media driven and internet companies, especially things like Alexa that see your entire life almost. Scary world we live in.
So here is the thing. Here is how I see it. Here is how I break it down.
Take any situation. Any at all. Anything. There is a spectrum of good and bad to it. Like a pendulum or gas gauge. Every situation has one. And the “truth” of that situation falls somewhere in there. But everyone has their own version or opinion of that and maybe they all pretty much fall within the same narrow zone. (Although opinions on a very touchy subject probably don’t.)
But my point is; I choose to focus on the good of any situation. Regardless of how bad it seems. I try to at least. Even in traffic I still try. Because then it lets me see the positive side and feel good. It lets me enjoy life for what it is. For the good that presents itself in any situation.
Focusing on the bad is easy. Too easy. Hell, it haunts you. I know it haunts me.
I was thinking of this tonight because Brad wanted me to watch some Netflix show he is into. It’s good. It is intense and real and gritty. But it also has some gore and a lot of insidious and gruesome human behavior. And even when I was trying to look away from the images the ones I did catch were flashing in my head over and over. I knew I would not be able to get them out. So even though I was enjoying some of the content I asked him to turn it off. He can watch it on his own time. I can’t watch it.
I was starting to question myself. Like why am I such a lightweight? These are all things that are true, that did happen. Why can’t I watch it and not react so strongly? And it’s that, I’ve seen enough of the worst the world has to offer. I’ve lived enough of it too. In order to enjoy life I want to look at the good. Now that doesn’t mean I ignore the bad. If something bad is happening in real (time) life to my loved ones or someone I can possibly actually help then I look at it. But if I have a choice on what to look at, on what to focus on. I will choose to look at the bright side.
Like for example. Brad has had a debilitating backache for two days. Basically bed bound. So I came up to lay with him, pamper him a little, keep him company. But I also have to work early in the morning. Yet here I am wide awake at 4:45am.
He was awake just a bit ago, we talked which woke me up completely, but I rubbed his head and arms for a while and he fell asleep and now he is snoring in my ear. I could focus on the fact that I am wide awake and may not fall asleep again before actually having to wake up for work and other such nonsense and stressors.
Instead I choose to focus on the fact that I am happy he is sleeping and recuperating his body and I have sweet little Max doggie to keep me company while I lay here. Maybe I can just get out of bed in an hour or so and do a coffee enema, which I thought I’d skip today. So all is not lost. It never is.
And that’s my take. You do you of course. I just wanta do me.