Brad was talking about marriage again today. Which causes me great conflict. It feels wonderful that he cares so much for me but I also know that we can’t possibly get married. As things stand it just wouldn’t work at all.
I tried today to classify our relationship and I couldn’t. I enjoy labeling things and putting them away in neat little color coded folder files inside my head. This relationship defies classification.
He isn’t my lover. He isn’t just a friend with benefits. I guess he is my boyfriend, but……. is he? It’s all rather confusing to me really. I care for him deeply but…… a few things happened today that were somewhat upsetting.
1) He could not get hard.
2) He finally admitted he does have COPD, which is a sidenote from a different post about this.
3) We argued over Trump.
Now…. I actually voted for Trump and I can see that not all he has done is horrendous. Honestly I think most all politicians are corrupt. I don’t care what party they belong to. But Trump is such a bully and a seemingly huge asshole and he won’t stop tweeting stupid shit. Dude just do your damn job. Stop ripping the nation apart, but maybe that is his real job. I don’t know.
I do think the media has a vendetta against him, but I also think he needs to stop lambasting them. He seems to have created part of this mess himself really. I personally just don’t like him. Do I want him impeached? No. I don’t see the point of it.
But when Brad refuses to even admit that Trump has EVER lied and blames the media for his being portrayed negatively it infuriates me. You can like someone and still see and know they have flaws, but his glorification of Trump is so disturbing to me.
I don’t hop on the anger bandwagon with Trump. I’ve formulated my own opinions and I just think he is an asshole. I also think he has no clue what he is doing. I stopped believing all his campaign promises shortly into his first year, so my standards for him are very simple. Don’t crash the economy and don’t put us at war. If he does those two things I’ll call his tenor a success. That’s just how low my standards now are.
His family and himself have and will continue to benefit from his position. But I suppose most people in his shoes would probably do the same. That he does it so blatantly and unscrupulously is actually comical to me. Like there really is nothing this man can do to piss off his core supporters. It’s fascinating and nauseating.
Every politician makes promises they never follow through on. Doesn’t matter the lapel pin you tote around on that one. The political system should theoretically self maintain though and the president is simply a representation of this country. As far as that is concerned I am ashamed to have such a stupid, arrogant and delusional man representing us, but this is the state we find ourselves in. This is the state of our country. We are all in essence now Trump. Stupid, arrogant, delusional Americans. Is anyone else connecting the dots from the murders of American abroad to how much people hate us now?
This also cements for me how very different Brad and I are. How very opposed our ideologies are. He looks at the stock market for a barometer of the economy and I look at the homeless surge and true livability factors. The stress people live under to just maintain a roof over their heads…. and not just me unfortunately.
I was reading an article today where Jennifer Lopez savagely stated that her first two marriages don’t count to her. She said the right person is someone who makes you better. And that she had married them to not be alone, which is obviously a bad reason.
So I refer back to not knowing where this relationship is going. I told him today to stop talking about marriage. Which is sad, but it’s just the truth. I don’t want to discuss it anymore and I don’t want him thinking that’s where we are headed because we aren’t and our political views aren’t even in the top 5 reasons as to why really.
But I’m also not ready to let him go. As a friend I don’t ever want that to happen. But I understand not everyone feels that way and while I’ve maintained a friendship with (all of) the few men I’ve had serious relationships with since I was 18 the trend was probably bound to be broken at some point I guess. Brad seems adamant that if we break up we can’t be friends. We aren’t there. So who knows.
I’m so tired!! It’s been a long ass day. I was up early for a client, cleaned my house for 4 hours, then spent an hour pulling weeds and spraying vinegar on the roots (which works better than Round-up), and went to three stores for food and sundries for the kids and pets. I’ll sleep well tonight I hope. Full day of work tomorrow.
Sweet dreams world.