It could be worse

OMG

I try to never say that to people. If people say it to me I agree because well…yeah…… obviously. But its a sucky thing to say and it’s a worse motto to live by. Why is that suppose to be any kind of consolation? Yes. It can always be worse. Always. And I’m not even stopping at death being the ultimate worse part. I can even go beyond that.

But that isn’t the kind of world I want to live in. I want to focus on “how can it be better?”. What can I do, right here, right now, in any small way whatsoever to make it better; for me, for those I love, for the world. I want to change my perspective. Although right this second that seems a monumental ask.

I have had a shitty 4 years. I mean yes I’ve grown as a person (somewhat) and I’ve had some great experiences but I also lost somethings I held very dear and have had so many heavy burdens placed on me that I have had to learn to shoulder alone. And it’s not that it hasn’t been fair, because I don’t quantify my life that way, but its been extraordinarily hard and I have faltered and fallen so many times through this journey.

And some days like today I don’t feel equipped to do this life thing at all. I feel so adrift; so lost and alone. And on days like this when I feel like I am my own worst enemy…. when I feel lower than low…….it is absolutely no consolation that things could be worse.

Right now, I just want the strength to get through this. I know this will pass and whatever is meant to be will be. I just can’t stear the boat right now. I’m too busy puking off the side just trying to get my bearings. I hope I can figure this out soon though and we can make it to land. I’ve got three little souls of prescious cargo here.

So God, Angels, divinity, source? Can you please help me and take over for a little bit? These tears streaming down my face make it really hard to see right now anyway.

πŸ¦‹

Author: porngirl3

I have always enjoyed reading and writing. Maybe because I have always been on the quiet and reclusive side; which most people may not guess at first glance or if seeing me in a social setting, especially around people I am comfortable with but it’s also not something I have an issue with. I need solitude to recharge. Writing gives me the peace and time to renew myself...here that is offered to you for your enjoyment and pleasure as well. I hope. Lol

4 thoughts on “It could be worse”

  1. Please know that I read your post, and in my 20’s felt that life wasn’t worth living.

    I have a married daughter, and 2 beautiful granddaughters. Still here at age 71. πŸ™πŸŒΉπŸ¦‹πŸŒ»πŸŒˆπŸŒ πŸŒžβ™₯️🧸

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks Susie,

      Thank you for sharing. I ended up in the ER at 25 with a failed suicide attempt. I’m very lucky. And no matter how hard life gets I can’t let myself ever fall that far again plus I have three beautiful beings that love and depend on me.

      I was put here for a reason and I have to reach out for the life I want. Just right now I’m going through so much; with the financial difficulty, the childhood trauma being retriggered and my love life being abysmal, not to mention my health issues and lack of an exercise routine. It’s all a bit much and I’m just getting so tired of handling it all. But….what choice do I have? Life carries on. I must push through this difficult period.

      I’m glad there are people like yourself who understand how hard it can get. How life can overwhelm you and leave you feeling defeated. But I refuse to give up and lose hope.

      Life has many journeys and hills to climb. This is just one bit of topography to add to the texture of my life. Maybe not the funnest bit and pieces but none the less fully my own.

      I hope at 71 I have your courage and grace. πŸ™πŸ½πŸ’–πŸŒˆ

      Like

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