I love to do this. Sometimes just to prove a point…… usually a bad point mind you.
I broke up with Brad tonight. I’ve been contemplating it for a long time and we all know it has been tried and that it also seemed pretty inevitable…..
He was off on some tangent tonight about how people always gets lost up in the local mountains this time of year and other people have to risk their lives to go find them. I get that it doesn’t seem quite fair that this is tax funded and I do get his point. But it just reminded me how very different we are and I just told him we were through. Abruptly. Probably caught him a bit off-guard. Although by this point with so many break-up under our belt I can’t see how.
I love him, but…….. again this just seems very inevitable and why delay pulling the band-aid off any further? Does it matter that I am pushing away my main support system and my friend? I’m guessing if he can and wants to we can remain friends.
I’m not sure what I’m trying to prove here. But I really just need to focus on me right now and with all his own issues and problems I can’t very well ask him to also focus on me, without feeling guilt for asking and for not helping him with his troubles. But I just don’t have the mental, emotional and physical capacity to focus on anyone else right now.
He really needs to focus on himself and figure out his own life, especially because I don’t see myself in it long-term. So this is me letting him off the hook really and me also telling myself “ok bitch, no excuses now, get going”.
Get going indeed………
For now…. I’m gonna get going to bed. Full day tomorrow.
Goodnight sweet souls.