Missing him

I’m missing Brad. I realize how much I want to tell him during the day and I’m realizing how much of it isn’t sexual. Like….sex is our thing. We are both fiends that way, but that week that Sylvia said “no phone sex” which meant zero conversations at all about it made us connect even more….. (except for that “nigger” conversation 🙄)…. up until we relapsed. And I wish I could say it’s all him but I would be lying.

But I want to text him. I want to send him funny memes. I want to see what he had for dinner and how he slept. It seems silly maybe. Like I don’t have enough to think about, but trying to stay away from all contact while on some levels it provides relief (knowing he won’t trigger me or stress me out) on another just leaves a hole in my life. He is after all my friend also, not just my lover.

I just don’t know that we have a future together as a couple, for several reasons. But does that mean I want him out of my life? No, it doesn’t. I’m just not sure what it means. I think even though I’m picking him up at the airport next week that maybe we should continue this no contact thing until I see the specialist again.

Maybe….. I say maybe because with some things I don’t seem to have a lot of restraint and sex with Brad is definitely one of those things.

But my mind does feel a bit clearer than it has in weeks.

Slowly….slowly…..I’ll get through this. I know I will. I just don’t know where that will leave us, as a couple, when it’s all said and done. I guess we shall see. Ultimately it’s up to me right. I just can’t see that clearly yet. But I do miss him.

Author: porngirl3

I have always enjoyed reading and writing. Maybe because I have always been on the quiet and reclusive side; which most people may not guess at first glance or if seeing me in a social setting, especially around people I am comfortable with but it’s also not something I have an issue with. I need solitude to recharge. Writing gives me the peace and time to renew myself...here that is offered to you for your enjoyment and pleasure as well. I hope. Lol

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s