It takes me a while to ruminate about things. I’m trying to entrench myself in the present and I can’t jump from being present to analyzing it, in one hot step. It takes me time to unwind and sit with it. That’s why I typically can’t fill out surveys right after I’ve done something. My brain doesn’t work that way.
So now that I’ve had time to think about yesterday and the kiddo’s. I can say that I could absolutely not be a teacher because I am just not PC enough. I actually inadvertently cussed in the first class. In another class I gave a student a “Brad” button.* In another class I laughed way too hard when a student that I thought had not been paying attention knew the answers to all my questions and another student who I thought had paid attention got every answer wrong. They really wanted a prize though, so the one says something like “we’ll be here all day”. It wasn’t that exactly but it was funny and I laughed. Of course with adults none of this would have happened.
In the middle of one class I actually stopped talking to ask a student if they were ok. The look of shock on their face made me wonder if they were breathing ok. Lol
But it was a lot of fun and I’d do it again in a heartbeat.
*So Brad had a button on his sleeve that he created that if I needed to turn off or down I could use like a stereo switch. It was always funny to use it. This student was absolutely not trying to be disrespectful. They just had so much energy and personality; literally jumping all over the room and loud. Fun though, but a little distracting. When they left the room I was left with my fellow wallflowers and I said “I wish I had half their personality”. They laughed. They got it.
3 clients today, a sick kiddo and my class was cancelled this weekend. Ho hum. I think I’ll go spend a night at Brad’s before he leaves for the month. We haven’t talked much or seen each other. Our texts are minimal. Breaking up is not my strong suit. If I knew how to fix this I would but I don’t. He’s offered to go back to counseling. That was what I had asked him to do before we broke up and he refused then. Like pulling teeth….I tell ya. That’s just not the way this is suppose to go.
The dynamic of power is different in each relationship. Some have complete equality. Some are very slanted. It is what it is. Every relationship is different. In this relationship I am boss. His resistance is futile and off-putting…..but he doesn’t seem to get it.
My happiness and satisfaction mean more to me than the thought of being alone; which does suck…but I can handle.
I’ve made plans to start a workout routine with my girlfriend Monday. I’ve committed to it. I think she’ll follow through too. We both know the value of exercise in our life and how it can positively impact so many aspects. We both miss it, but life gets in the way and we both need a push. Being committed and responsible to someone else is a great way to stay the line. Right?
Wishing you a lovely day. 💖🥰🌈🙏🏽😉💋