I was thinking of Brad and the difficulties we had as I was reading a post from a follower who is a “slave” and I couldn’t help think that if I had been able to exert more control over our relationship and him it would have worked better. Even my kids said we bicker too much and watching us together was like a battle of wills. They aren’t wrong.
The thing is….I won’t back down. I won’t. I know what will make me happy and I know what I want and I won’t settle for less. I’d rather settle for nothing. Being single isn’t a curse.
I can’t say I want this kind of relationship with all men. Everyone sparks different relationships with each other. No two people can have the exact same dynamic.
He needed to learn to have a happy heart. He needed to learn to let go of the anger and outbursts because it’s jarring and unnecessary 99% of the time. But that’s a hard journey to make and he would never really accept my help or advice. Which just led to a disconnect. I was trying not just to improve his overall life but more importantly our relationship, our interactions with each other.
Don’t get me wrong. It was mostly good and sometimes great and then other times just pure misery, like last weekend. It had never been that extreme but none-the-less this didn’t come out of thin air. It’s been part of a larger issue all along.
How do you tell someone you must follow my lead? How do you get someone to submit who doesn’t seem to want to, or wants to on their terms which defeats the point all together? You don’t. You can’t. A slave or sub must be submissive first and foremost for it’s own sake.
I love strong men. I have a penchant for them, but in the depths of our dynamic; in the sacred bond that is our relationship, I need almost full submission to my happiness. I know this about myself now more than ever. This is who I am. I’m not trying to bend anyone to my will just for the sake of cruelty. But I do need “my one” to bend for me of his own accord, out of his own desire to do so, for the beauty of our love, the sacredness of our union, to demonstrate his love for me.
Cheekiness is acceptable. Even desired as I do so love funishments.
One day maybe, or not. Who knows. It’s fun living and learning about myself. It’s one hell of a wild ride.
I get that this lifestyle isn’t for everyone. Even just incorporating it into sex can be fun though. But everyone has their own needs and desires in life. I’m just happy to figure myself out. Complex creatures that we are. It’s so fun to see how the workings of our subconscious work. To figure them out. To figure ourselves out. Isn’t it?