I was thinking yesterday how the roots of trees grow into each other and become a communal shared system of resources and strength. I was thinking how we each have this linkage with those closest to us, those we share our time, energy and resources with. With those with which we share our lives; either by choice or happenstance.
Do these links strengthen or deplete us? Do they cause us happiness or grief? Pleasure or torture? I was looking at a row of tall tree shrubs, manicured and pruned into a line to form a perfect fence. Except that one of them was dead and I was puzzled as to how that occurred. Did that tree get ousted? Did that tree kill itself or get killed? Do plants kill themselves? It all begets many more questions than it answers really.
I was watching a trailer of a movie about plants. Basically saying that plants are more complex than animals and have feelings and communicate and respond to their environment and evolve much faster than most organisms on this planet. Intriguing.
I’ve often found that if I wait long enough exactly what I want comes into fruition in exactly the way I need. Like when I need something and I opt not to buy it retail because it isn’t a true necessity and can wait and low and behold I’ll happen upon it at a more than reasonable price at a thrift store or garage sale or something very similar.
I wonder since I’ve only ever seen this happen with goods if this can transcend to experiences and people. I was looking at how the men that have appeared in my life since being divorced have been. I could have “settled” for any of them and maybe been perfectly happy, but they truthfully…deep in my heart couldn’t give me everything I wanted. So I opted to keep waiting and keep working on myself. And as I kept working on myself and waiting I noticed that with each opportunity I saw improvements.
What I wanted was getting closer and closer. I suppose there may be a tipping point or maybe a time when I may walk away from a situation that would have made me extremely happy but because of fear or waiting for something even better it escaped me. I don’t know that I’ve hit that marker yet though. But sometimes in life we become so oblivious to our own baggage it’s hard to see things clearly and make the right choices.
This is just part of our journey as well. But I’m hoping ultimately this path brings me what I have been dreaming of……….
I wonder though…….will I know it when it comes? Will it be one of those overwhelming feelings of just knowing beyond a shadow of doubt or will it need to be pounded and proven to me? I rarely have the answers when it comes to love, but fortunately I still find it all worthwhile.