Antsy

Hungry, tired and totally antsy. This always happens when one of my children is gone. It’s different than when I’m away from them. This is my teenager on a trip to regional competition with 38 other students and chaperones. Reminds me of when she went to science camp. I wonder how I’ll handle it, if and when she goes to college in 2 years.

Brad said he would help me financially. I asked him about it yesterday and he said he doesn’t know how to help me if I keep gambling. Well. That and just the time suck and that horrible feeling I get from putting money into it and losing. It was a “what the fuck am I doing?” moment. I understand the psychology of it…..driven by anxiety I do the exact opposite of what I should be doing. I recklessly seem to self sabbotage myself sometimes.

I blame no one but me. Funny that before Brad I went months (almost a year I think) without gambling. But as soon as my financial anxiety kicked in I started up again. So I said to him “I totally get it.” We made a pact. I have to make up all the money I spent so far this year gambling and not gamble any more and then he will help me.

This is the fire under my ass I needed. Not that I needed more stress but I needed to get my head out of the ground and tackle this shit. I know I can do it. It’s just a matter of diversion and distraction until the desire dissapates.

So he’s taking me to the coast soon for a birthday present, since we couldn’t go right on my birthday and he asks me “what about the casino?”. He had wanted to eat there. I said. “You wouldn’t take an alcoholic to a winery would you? Don’t tempt me.” Like that needed to be said.

It’s like quitting smoking. I quit smoking the minute I found out I was pregnant. I wasn’t a huge smoker, mostly when I drank (which was almost nightly), but even then not much. Maybe 4 cigarettes a day on a high day, maybe none some days. I did also avidly exercise. I had just smoked habitually on and off since I was 15.

When I was no longer pregnant or breastfeeding I started drinking enough to want cigarettes again. So when it became about quitting for my own health the incentive was not great enough and it took years for me to dwindle down to not want them at all. It helped that no one I knew smoked too and of course developing asthma and having allergies and an ease for bronchial issues also played into not handling any smoke at all now.

My point is quitting things is not impossible or even improbable if you set yourself up to achieve your goals and make exit strategies and back-up plans and hopefully have a support system too. Quitting gambling won’t be hard and fortunately I definitely have enough to do for distractions. Lol.

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Day two of this semi-fast. Going to go press 15 pounds of apples. See how much juice that gets me. Hopefully enough to get through today and tomorrow for the cleanse. I’ve been dreading and looking forward to this. I’m so curious to see for myself these “gallstones”. I’m going to give myself a colonic so I can see it all and don’t miss a thing. The human body and digestive system absolutely fascinate me. How it all integrates mind, body, spirit into the total package of a being.

Every person is like a woven multidimensional puzzle piece and it’s such intrigue to see how they got to where they are in life and I enjoy seeing how I can help. It’s a glimpse into a story that’s still in full trajectory mode and seeing if I can add anything or improve on it somehow. Usually it’s really just a matter of highlighting the things they already know and helping them help themselves in the way they already know how to, usually.

People know themselves and their bodies, it’s a matter of honing in on that and opening people’s eyes to their own power and role in their health. I love to encourage people to take care of themselves and even thank them for it. It truly encourages me to see them take control of their life. I’m just happy to be a small part of that process.

We all deserve to have someone to encourage us and help clarify things we may not see clearly. Lately I’ve gotten in the habit of explaining that the body is doing exactly as it would do given the input. It truly is such a magnificent machine. Change the input; reduce stress, better sleep, nutrient dense food, supplements, detox/gut cleanse, strong mind/body connection and get a much different output.

I think I hate this raw food movement though. I get that it’s nutrient dense but not everybody can handle raw veggies, especially not a total quick switch. It may be a tolerance and slow endeavor for some and truly just an impossibility for others. Raw veggies are difficult for the body to digest and cause bloating in most people. Blanched and cooked, soups, smoothies, are all good with some raw.*

Chewing them well so they don’t have time to ferment and create gases. It is better than meat but I dare say everyone is different and every body wants and needs it’s own unique pallet of food. Finding what your body wants, tolerates, thrives on is not necessarily an easy journey but it is well worth all the effort. IMO

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*I suppose digestive enzymes help but I don’t have enough experience with them and I don’t push products on people. We all have weak links in our health and well being. It’s a matter of boosting those links, be they body, mind, spirit. Right? I’m still figuring this out for myself too. It’s a fun game to me. I love being my own guinea pig.

Author: porngirl3

I have always enjoyed reading and writing. Maybe because I have always been on the quiet and reclusive side; which most people may not guess at first glance or if seeing me in a social setting, especially around people I am comfortable with but it’s also not something I have an issue with. I need solitude to recharge. Writing gives me the peace and time to renew myself...here that is offered to you for your enjoyment and pleasure as well. I hope. Lol

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