Trying to think of the happiest I’ve ever been. Just me; with no reasoning or differentiation to outside factors. It was those too few days I spent in Nirvana. Let’s digress. So……
We are up to 5 separate realities all colliding in this same space and time; this mortal, human experience, heaven, hell, nirvana* (the whole of non-duality), and purgatory (for lack of a better word). There have to be more, simply because it makes more sense to me that there is more than I can see or understand than there be less.
Kind of like aliens in outer space. I myself have not been privileged to encounters them yet, but that they exist is beyond a far gone conclusion…. to me at least. Because we are talking about an infinite universe and we are idiots. I have to believe other beings have gotten it better than we have. I have to believe there are sentient beings out in the universe that have outpaced us. We are after all spiritually still stuck chasing our own ego-driven stupidities like a dog chasing it’s own tail.
So……how do I get back to that? I wonder if the “fake it until you make it” thing would work? Visualize it? The thing that popped me into it was coming out of a very oppressive and soul crushing relationship that I wanted to be in because I loved him so….even though it was absolutely horrible at times.
He was a manic depressive person with extreme mood swings. When he was happy he could light up a room but when he was depressed, which was more and more towards the end of his school days he became so volatile. It was like living with a rollercoaster when all you wanted was a cool, soft breeze.
The main factors of those days that I can remember is that I was truly just happy to be. Everything was a new and beautiful experience. Waiting in line, great, eating an apple, fabulous. Just breathing was a glorious pleasure. Nothing scared me. Nothing brought me down. Nothing to question. Nothing to worry about.
Just letting life flow as it was meant to was such a truly beautiful experience. Witnessing life, while being a part of it. I want to find that simple joy again. Which was far more than joy. Just a simple shift in perception brought about deep fulfilling enlightenment.
I would love to live there. Now just have to figure out how…….. since that almost felt like a glitch to the matrix. Lol. I can’t tell you how many people during those days could see how open I was and cautioned me to be careful. It made me so sad to see the fear they held for me and yet to know they sensed it. They knew. Beyond words. Beyond logic. It’s interesting really.
Now let’s dance and sing and figure this out. Once and for all. Shall we?
But not today. I got winded just loading the dishwasher today. Lol 💋
*Not sure if this word is the most appropriate. I’m thinking how the Christian religion separates it into God, son, holy spirit.