I was thinking last night after trying to muscle through that movie that they made one good point I hadn’t thought of or questioned in terms of my experiences. The all, is not built on duality. Hell is based on the duality of evil and heaven should be based on the duality of goodness. I just assumed it was heaven I visited and over time I’ve heard of people that have died and crossed over only to be brought back and their visions sound very similar to mine.
It felt like the all. I’ve explained this all before in another post so I won’t rehash it too much. But could there be something even better than I witnessed?
It seems so impossible to me, but that’s not a word I generally like to use. But to think of it kind of sends shivers down my back. If I could convey to you the beauty of heaven or whatever I saw you might understand why thinking that something better and more expansive than infinite connectiveness, all knowing, all being, all time, all space, no division, just deep pulsating belonging. A feeling a million times better than what we consider love and happiness. To think there is better than that almost leaves me speechless and on the verge of tears. It’s just something at present I can’t even begin to imagine. To see or comprehend or feel what that might be would be an awe without words.
I was asking for more signs last night. More signs for how to access healing better. Why can’t I not get sick? Why can I sometimes help and others not my children? Where is that magic switch? Is there one? Why do physical maladies always seem to plague me when I am on spiritual journeys? I’m sure there is a reason, something I’m not seeing.
Then this morning I came to start up the studio for an early morning client. My head a bit foggy, my sinuses mucousy, and as I walk in the light to the treatment room is on and I never leave it on. Except it had been bright during the day when I cleaned so I’m sure I did. But at that moment it was one of those “aha” things, where I knew that was a clear sign. That was my way.
Hey….I’m not trying to make sense of the how or why really, I just want to get to the heart of this. If I had to figure it all out without being able to skip some steps and showing my work I’d drive myself crazy. I always hated showing work in school. I never got why I had to. I always got the answers right. If anything it just made me mad having to backtrack and slow down my processes to convey how I did it mentally…. on paper, since I could think a hundred time faster than I could write, it seemed. I’m definitely not that whipper smart academically anymore. But good thing the kids are. Lol
It is the reason why I prefer reading to videos. I can read sooooo much faster than people can talk. Sometimes when I’m trying to absorb a video or live subject matter of not much difficulty I actually have to multi-task to fill in the voids in my thoughts or it starts to feel like torture. Reading being self paced doesn’t do that to me. Thankfully or I’d probably be dumb as a doorknob if I didn’t enjoy reading as much as I do. Lol. Who knows.
I’ve been saying this thing to myself lately just to make myself feel better.
That is the order. That is always the order. Don’t ask me why but that order feels right, as if I was already telling myself there is something beyond. It seems blasphemous though to say it out loud. That which I believe with my entire being and now I’m questioning it. It’s heresy is what it is and yet it feels right.