I am obsessing today. I realized I have a strong thing for Jason Bateman. I haven’t even seen all his movies or Arrested Development but I adore him. His whole persona, just the right amount of cute and vulnerable. Maybe it’s just that he is part of my childhood. Who knows.
Then I started reading this girls blog today and I am obsessed with it. She’s 23 and trying to sleep with 1,000 on tinder to write a book about it. I don’t get it, but why not. I wonder more about the technical aspects of it. They are all out of towners. She goes to their hotel/motel. She uses condoms. That’s all I’ve gathered so far. Except she also likes giving blowjobs and is on a one a day thing. Mind you this girl is single.
Frankly I’m just tickled pink that she can do this. That we live in a society that she can have this agenda and it’s totally cool. Talk about NOT slut shaming herself. Love it!!!
Then she had a post about the porn star awards recently and I saw this and was sooo overjoyed. The woman that won this award has saggy tits and love handles. A beautiful sight considering porn is generally all about looks and if the girls aren’t gorgeous or stick thin or strung out then it’s amateur porn, not professional you’re probably looking at.
I got nothing done today.. nothing. Just saw one client. I learned a valuable lesson though. She was talking about how bad she’s been eating and how sugar is such a horrible addiction. She has been binge eating; which I totally get. She came in as a reset for herself. I was proud. I kept telling her to have compassion for herself and that she is doing great, to not be so hard on herself.
After I cleaned up I went to water my hydrangeas. They didn’t desperately need it, but I figured I’d give them a tiny bit anyway. As I got them water I noticed I hadn’t put my jewelry back on and I realized. Hit me like lightening that by helping others I always help myself. The advice I gave her is also advice I should give myself, advice I needed to hear too.
I was struggling this morning with how to lead my practice and my life really. I actually had asked for a sign or clarity and then I forgot all about asking until literally just now writing this. I just put those two things together. That is my answer. It always feels weird to me asking for things for myself. Don’t get me wrong. I have a vision board and I love it. I really can get into it. In fact. I think I’ll work on that tomorrow.
Outside of that and my daily prayers I don’t feel comfortable asking for things. I feel if I’m meant to have them they’ll come. If I’m meant to experience something it will happen. It’s not about worthy or unworthy. It’s about being me-centric. I’m just not that way and now it’s been confirmed I don’t have to be, which is great because all those affirmations about material gains were really a drag on my soul.
Maybe other people enjoy it, benefit from it, see results. Never say never. I still dream of a house by the beach……
But….it definitely takes the strain off of things for me to know I don’t have to do them or at least not as vigorously or intensely as before.
Is it funny that I’m partly jealous of this woman for being able to have this experience? What I know now I can’t unknow though. Like how parasites and herpes can transfer during sex and condoms really don’t do much to stop it. To be so foolish……and carefree…… honestly I couldn’t do it even if I wanted to. Even if I knew I would orgasm every single time I still couldn’t do it…..even if I knew I wouldn’t be judged for my age/body……still no…… but I’m so happy to support her with this endeavor. Who knows. Maybe I’ll even buy her book. Lol