So Confused

I feel like my conflict within my relationship with Brad mimics the conflict of this nation. Republican vs neo-liberal, libertarian, humanitarian pragmatist, or whatever the heck I am. Western medicine vs holistic health. Overly sexual….um no wait I’m that too. I mean. Uhhhhh…. Inmature boyish humor vs I’m not gonna laugh and condone every stupid-ass thing you do and say. 🙄

But I love the baffoon and he loves the fuck out of me. Why can’t that be enough?

It confuses me because we live in the new land of “you get what you believe you deserve” and I just have a real hard time believing that seeing all I’ve felt and seen.

All I want is happiness and ease and while I thankfully to God can usually always find the happiness…..I can’t always find that ease.


And I’ve seen innocent people, children suffer incalculable pain and I have a hard time believing they are “getting what they believe they deserve”.


Sorry to go dark here for a moment

I guess what I’m saying is I choose to be happy. But throw me the ease. Where is the miracle of ease?

I’m thankful. I’m not trying to complain. Following all the signs here or at least trying. God…….where is that way?

Is it inside too? I have a hard time believing that. That must b manipulated outside. That must be manifestations and prayer and listening for and following the signs.

I guess that’s what we all do. Listen and follow the signs we want to. Maybe we all need to step outside that box and look what all the options are before actually deciding. See all sides before picking one. Maybe we don’t have to pick at all, but it’s always good to see everything. To see and live the truth in all it’s painfully glorious glory.

I’ll cheers to that. No wait. I’m not drinking. 😶 It’s fine. Not even sure why I’m mentioning it. I don’t miss it at all…..ever. 🙄🤤😭

Author: porngirl3

I have always enjoyed reading and writing. Maybe because I have always been on the quiet and reclusive side; which most people may not guess at first glance or if seeing me in a social setting, especially around people I am comfortable with but it’s also not something I have an issue with. I need solitude to recharge. Writing gives me the peace and time to renew that is offered to you for your enjoyment and pleasure as well. I hope. Lol

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