I just change my mind. I can always explain my decisions and I think the evidence usually lends itself to the needed/wanted shift. I can be hard to keep up with sometimes, I’ll grant that….. but I know I’m worth it. I know my love, friendship, attention, comraderie, whatever…. is worth it. Even if I weren’t though I still gotta be me and being me alone is better than trying to be someone I’m not surrounded by people that love whoever that is.
I’ve never had such a hard making friends before, but I’ve also never tried to live so authentically; instead of just going with the tide of whoever shows up. I’ve never actively searched for kindred spirits. I’ve also never known about my huge crutch before. One of many I have learned about myself and will hopefully keep learning about. Neither have I had to knowingly deal with holding other peoples karma. This part of my life is not fun, but it is currently what I must deal with and I’m hoping once I jump this hurdle the path settles down a bit.
People undervalue boredom. Boredom can be such a beautiful luxury. Imagine the blessings of having all your immediate animal needs completely met and just having to worry about entertaining yourself. Maybe having to fulfil emotional needs as well is part of that, but still…. to not have to truly struggle. To have comfort and stability in life is absolutely not negligible.
I try not to take anything for granted in this life……even boredom. Lol