I’ve said it before. So really I’m just reinforcing my case here.
Prior to last night I had all of 2 drinks since the mini tots birthday sangria in October. Last night though I decided to opt in. It was Brad’s suggestion but I didn’t need much prodding. 3 sangria’s and one hot toddy later I am having a massive breakdown in his arms.
Tears and snot streaming down my face as I sob and sob and sob for what felt like an hour. Never fully catching my breath afterwards. He says “I like this, you being vulnerable with me”. I know I needed it. I needed the cry, but I don’t need this hangover. Auuugghhh
Fermentation is good for some foods. Kombucha. Vinegar. Soy sauce. Kimchi. But alcohol is pure madness. At one point I had Brad walk me around the block to try and sober up a bit. Which just means that we had a blubbering crying walk out in front of all my neighbors, who most fortunately were all probably asleep.
So while I just proved that I still may be able to drink alcohol, I also proved why I don’t want to drink anymore. Nothing good comes from alcohol. Not in my life at least. Maybe others have better luck with it. God knows it just ain’t for me. Body, mind, spirit I really just don’t need it.
I was telling Brad yesterday mid second drink that it’s best to partner with people who want to go in the same direction in life. That have some kind of a blueprint they share and agree on. I said “I’m all about holistic health and well being” as I chug down the sweet imbibement and he of course nods in agreement. Agreement to what I’m not even sure. He is the antithesis to my ideology. He drinks, eats crap, takes so many medications no sane person can keep track of, doesn’t exercise, meditate, or even pray that I know of.
Sometimes I wonder why we think this will even work between us. Then I think to myself…… this man will do anything to keep my love. We shall see. This is all a bit of a tug of war and way too much to process right now.
So I’m going back to bed. I’d make myself vomit if I could but I was never good at that. I never actually had a gag reflex until Brad*, but I’d need his big cock to do the honors and with my head pounding and the room spinning that’s not in the top 5 things I really want to do right now.
Why did I do this to myself? Why? Jeezus. I’m such an idiot.
*. I know this not only from my success at deep throating but also my many failed attempts in my 20’s to be bulimic. Because that’s the kind of world we live in and I thought then I wanted to belong. I’ve come to the point where opting out of societies idiocies feels much better to me and is much easier on my soul. Ugghhhh. I really think vomiting would feel really good right now