These are turbulent times and I’m not even talking about anything outside my own little world here. Lol
I saw this on my way into the gym today and I thought. Is some bicycle lost out in the world? Then on my way out a more deviant thought occured. Is there a man lost out in the world right now and boy would this be a good addition to my toys.
I had a “soul retrieval” this morning and as the name implies it is a way for a healer to help reclaim parts of your soul that were damaged or taken…be it past lives or childhood or whatever.
She (Anneleah Jaxen) is also highly intuitive. She was able to clearly see the dynamic between my mother, my ex, Brad and I.
She asked me not to discredit Brad. He is ever loyal and a good friend. I completely agree but as this time of transitions in my life I feel I need positive, uplifting spirits around me. Then he sends me this picture and well…….my nethers respond in kind. My mouth involuntarily waters. I do miss his arms around me.
Why does the big baffoon send me Pink Floyd’s Dogs song this morning? Does he not get the mood I’m trying SO HARD to set right now? I swear the boi is just so unmindful. Is that a thing? I’m making it a thing.
I keep pushing him away and he doesn’t seem to be getting it. Am I secretly happy? God I can’t even tell anymore. Realistically…..how long can I go without sex? Without being touched? Without playing? He says to me today….
“I want you to strip me, tie my hands behind my back and chase me in the snow with a whip while videoing me”.
All good and well and funny even. But reality is I feel very emotionally disconnected from him which doesn’t make me want to play…..at all. In fact, it makes me want to punish him by abstaining from all play.
I need to be nurtured. My heart and soul need to feel secure, loved, adored, pampered and most importantly UNDERSTOOD. Why does he not get this? Sex is sex. It’s great. I love it. It’s fucking wonderful….. So when I say let’s just be friends. I’m not meaning it to be spiteful. I’m meaning it to be like “hey, you can’t seem to hit the target here so maybe we can just roll this back a few notches and just make the best of it without all the stress of this and that way you can avoid talking to me when I’m stoned and I won’t take it personal. Win/win.”
I feel like I’m done holding tight to things. I need a safe landing.