I was reflecting this morning that everything truly good in my life has come from pain and difficulty. All the “good” came out of something “bad”. This isn’t always the case…..but honestly it is mostly the case.
I didn’t create this loop, not purposely and I’d love to change that script.
I really would. But…..also…..
I absolutely love the things that I have (and am) that I give thanks for every single day. The things that were born from my own deep suffering. Sooooo can I really want to change that? Given the choice would I really? I can’t say for certain. Most of the things I’d like to change were things out of my control (especially at the time they became “bad”). Decisions I didn’t think were entirely bad when they came time to be made and I had that control. They were things in the past.
Now I truly try to Kon Marie my own decisions. I try to do the things that bring me the most joy or just feel like what really needs to happen. Sometimes when I don’t have clarity I don’t decide….which is sometimes a decision in itself. So far this seems the least pain invoking way to live; at least for my heart. But it involves a different kind of (moment to moment pain*). Asking myself when I am in doubt or afraid:
Am I being authentic? Is this really the best way? Is this the truth? Is my heart on board?
Stopping the autopilot isn’t always easy and forces a lot of vulnerability and that can cause fear too sometimes ….I ain’t gonna lie.
But…..given the trajectory I’ve had so far….fear seems to be the least of my concerns. Fear can be changed to another emotion, another energy….takes work…but this is one of those well worth the effort things to me.
Hey….this is all a work in progress. There was a clear start to this show…..and the rest is a choose as you go adventure….only we don’t make all the choices. Letting fear in is one I can control…at least…thankfully.