So……and I’ve put a lot of time into this theory here, but I’m happy to take any hands on experience with this thing.
There are two ways to try to salvage a relationship….that I have some direct knowledge (+reading/research) about that lead to happiness.
1) WORK ON YOU. aka don’t work on fixing the relationship….. (stupid huh)….but I mean this. If you’ve tried absolutely everything you can think of and you’ve genuinely given it all you could and neither one of you is really happy, especially you. Then don’t. I am NOT saying walk away though. Sometimes you can’t and sometimes you don’t want to.
I’m saying. Work on yourself. Become a “me” person. Whatever that looks like for you. For some people it would be hobbies, dancing, traveling, self-help, pampering, friends, family. I’m not saying it will fix the relationship but if you’re doing the things that make you happy and working on being a better you (because no one is perfect and there is always something to achieve and strive for in life; even knitting in a rocking chair involves some desire and ambition), then maybe that’s more than good enough and maybe they’ll change too and maybe you can make it actually work for both of you. A lot of maybe’s here but trust that you’ll like this one more than the next one.
2) GIVE IT ALL – yep. This is exactly as hard as it sounds. For 30 days and without telling a soul you do everything and anything your partner could possibly desire* and asks for. No matter what it is, how inconvenient, how horrible, (unless it goes against your moral code or would cause dire harm) you do it AND you do it with kindness, love and happiness in your heart. Hey. I never said easy. You’re the one wanting to save the relationship; so don’t stare at me in disbelief.
People love easy answers. I see the looks on my clients face when I tell them how hard they have to work at figuring out what their body wants and needs to be healthy. Everyone is unique. People say “I want to be unique” and then you tell them they really are and they have a cow because that’s not how they meant it. Lol. Sorry. Didn’t know you could pick and choose in life. I guess I’ve had it wrong g all along.
I thought you were handed a deck of cards and you rocked it; no matter what it looked like. You’re telling me I can pick my own cards. Wait…….
*And I do mean EVERYTHING! Be even more responsive, in-tune to, attentive to, listening, caring, acting, being more loving in all ways. Doing only things for their benefit. In other words you are the “slave” but you do it with a happy heart.
Yeah. Well. If it were easy the divorce rate wouldn’t be so high.
This isn’t isn’t even guaranteed to work but after 30 days of 100% honest to God trying. Well. I’ve heard miraculous things happen when you try this one but…….can’t believe everything you read. Lol
(I crack myself up. Because you’re reading this and I fully expect to be absolutely believed. Now that’s funny or I’m stoned. Wait. Both can be true.)