Guilt

Guilt is deadly. I find it right up there with anger and hate. It is insidious. It kills you from the inside out and we often times bury it so deep we don’t even realize that’s what’s happening.

It’s like when I ended up locked up in the mental joint. A middle class drug and alcohol short term mental health lock up center that was divided into 3 classes. Dangerous/violent, everyone else, and teens. I was there because the ER was tired of me and couldn’t figure out why I was in pain but I would not let them cut me open to see or let them administrator any drugs to me.

So basically I was rendering their help useless; not purposeful but none-the-less. My family kept taking me back to the ER against my will not knowing how to help my horrible pain and the ER kept throwing up their hands like “we’ve done all she will let us”. It’s quite comical now really and that’s how I ended up in the joint.

No one knew what to do with me and I was on mass amounts of THC for the pain and well it wasn’t like it is now where they separate the CBD from the THC (and in my opinion sometimes a small amount of THC is needed anyway to activate the CBD better but anyway). I was tripping balls, but happy because you can be happy and in pain on that stuff. Miraculous plants we were given on this planet.

Anyway. The crew of friends I got ensconced with in the joint almost all had one thing in common; incest/rape survivors.

It reminds me of a naturopath I talked to recently that told me that a good portion of women he sees have extreme underlying guilt from having had abortions. It blew my mind. They are physically Ill because of guilt.

Theoretically I am all for abortions. Raising kids can be hard as fuck and sooooo expensive. Even carrying a child can be no fucking picnic. Worth it! Abso-fucking-lutely worth it! But to force someone that doesn’t want to (is not ready to, or can not physically) endure it is wrong, especially if we are talking about rape and incest victims. Not to mention how many more unwanted/unloved kids do we need in this world. I have no answers. Only that there should be a win/win here.

A friend of mine ate mass doses of vitamin C and some other supplement to induce a spontaneous abortion. It worked. It was a few days of massive pain and bleeding though. We monitored her closely. Well she did, I just checked in on her.*

Theoretically I also think that I’m fine with older people teaching younger people how to love themselves, how to enjoy their bodies, how to know what they like and their boundaries.** Pedophilia is NOT that though. If it was maybe I’d be alright with it….. again….theoretically. Everything is case by case yet the world tries to function as if everyone must be dealt with exactly the same and then plays favorites. Asinine!

Anyway.

My entire point is. We all harbor some guilt. I find it inevitable really. Can’t live without encountering it at some point. I know I do. I also know clearing that energy will help me……..

Now I just have to figure out how.

—-

*Here’s the thing though. I personally do believe that at the moment of conception a soul descends. I was absolutely certain twice the exact moment in time I got pregnant. And to confirm this all three of my angels visited me or made themselves known to me before they were out of my cervix. All three. So that they are little souls is completely indisputable to me. That we kill them……I find sad but there is just so much wrong with this planet I’m not sure I can start there. It’s not just a babies life and do we really want them here when no one seems to want them to begin with. Again…no solutions. Sorry.

**But of all cases of the blind leading the blind this one is probably the most fun. Two young people in love figuring out sex just seems so sweet and innocent to me. Such a beautiful thing.

Author: porngirl3

I have always enjoyed reading and writing. Maybe because I have always been on the quiet and reclusive side; which most people may not guess at first glance or if seeing me in a social setting, especially around people I am comfortable with but it’s also not something I have an issue with. I need solitude to recharge. Writing gives me the peace and time to renew myself...here that is offered to you for your enjoyment and pleasure as well. I hope. Lol

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