Sooo….I learned today that “Shaman” is an honorary title given to you by the healing community of practitioners. Hmmmmmmmm. I’d have to have big, giant healing balls to rock that and I’m definitely no where near there.
I also learned that even with the basic Pranic healing and my experiences, and even with the healing I’ve done, most of which I wasn’t intentionally doing, that I still need lots more training if I want to do this professionally. Honestly, that’s not my goal, at least not directly. But I love helping people and I will not stop from helping someone if I feel I can. I just am not 100% clear yet on my own style, my own strengths, and my own protection going forward with this.
Plus I’m not claiming to be some superhero, just that everyone has some talent and this is one I can no longer run from.
When I first got to Portland I joined a psychic Facebook group. Initially I was super excited. I called in to the the group chat where anyone could just tell any vision that popped into their head. Embarrassingly, I mistakenly called in late not realizing there was a time zone difference and then the first two visions seemed to be directed expressly for me. I tried not to claim them but the more detail was given the more accurate they seemed and no one else understood them to be for them. Honestly, I tried so hard not to take them. But🤷🏽♀️……
The first was my (belated) grandmother in the kitchen with a ponytail, cooking and smiling at me assuring me everything would be ok. I didn’t know then I was in for a hell of a ride soon with my divorce and family drama.
The second was a college friend that I had loved and adored madly. He had moved to Seattle to be with his mom. He was a beautiful, gentle spirit struggling in a world he didn’t seem to feel he fit in. He died tragically very young and in the vision he stood on the banks of a river with a Shamanic/native indian hat on telling me I was meant to be here and that the time was coming for me to step into my rightful role.
Needless to say. I never called into the line again or had anything to do with the group. When I talk about fear I know what I’m talking about. It has plagued me my entire life and while now I try with all my might to live more authentically, it is still hard to stand firm in myself.
But I really enjoyed the shamanic class I took today. I honestly have no idea where I am going with all of this. I really don’t. I have no clear handle on it. I thought meeting my “spirit animal” would be hokey. I went into it skeptically but it was completely life affirming and has changed the game for me a bit. I am ravishing now. I am wanting to learn more, to do more, to be more. But I am also needing to heal myself and get myself to where I can be as clear a channel as possible. I’m not even trying to aim for perfection here, but I’m done being the blind leading the blind too.
I’m boldly going where many have gone before….luckily. Hoping I can be of some value to the world. Hoping I can leave a positive imprint. Hoping I can do some good.
This isn’t where I saw myself, but I’m still so excited to be here none-the-less. I truly am and for now that’s good enough.