Volatile

I’m pissed. Pissed that this blog has reverted to a complaint board about my relationship with Brad. But here goes yet again…….

He’s always telling me to add pictures and will I say this or I should add that to my blog? I disregard most of what he says simply because my creative expression is my own and I feel zero obligation to him in that regard. I know he gets it.

I had weird dreams last night. In one segment Brad and I were trying to get to our car to leave. We both thought we knew where it was. We then got on an elevator and he proceeds to just take out his dick. The gentleman also wanting to get on backs off and remains waiting staring at Brad in disbelief. I shook my head side to side, sighed, rolled my eyes and said nothing. What was there to say?

It very much resembled our reality. Last night we both got aggravated and upset with each other on and off through the night. When we were finally alone I wanted to talk and clear the air. We sat on the couch and he took out his soft dick and placed my hand on it. To say I was world’s away from feeling horny was an understatement. Eventually he got the hint and put it away.

We settled nothing and he left soon after. We haven’t talked since. We are both such emotional people. We both tend to not always give each other the benefit of the doubt and add to that his keen ability to see himself as the martyr in the equation. It’s beyond frustrating and with neither of us getting sex it becomes worse as we are both very much sex driven.

Counseling earlier this week went well. We are still learning how to own our feelings and then express them non-threateningly. It’s a steep learning curve for both of us.

I crave intimacy with him so desperately but because it doesn’t translate so well into the bedroom there seems to be no make-up sex option for us. Theoretically I could torture him, but because that is born from desire and lust I don’t feel inclined.

It’s days like this that it pisses me off that he reads my blogs. That my ex reads them too and probably grins like the Cheshire cat about our issues.

I mostly hate that I don’t seem to have the capacity to fix this. I believe myself to be a competent, intelligent, savvy, resourceful, first rate problem solver. That’s my jam. Guess I better wipe off those honorary titles from my self professed accolades.

Why is this sooo hard??? For fuck sakes.

Author: porngirl3

I have always enjoyed reading and writing. Maybe because I have always been on the quiet and reclusive side; which most people may not guess at first glance or if seeing me in a social setting, especially around people I am comfortable with but it’s also not something I have an issue with. I need solitude to recharge. Writing gives me the peace and time to renew myself...here that is offered to you for your enjoyment and pleasure as well. I hope. Lol

3 thoughts on “Volatile”

  1. If I was lucky enough to be yours, I’d crave time with you, crave your sexy body, desire your sexy voice and do anything and everything to obtain you.
    I hope you are able to work through this because you deserve to be desired.
    I crave my wife and she craves me. It’s how I’m wired.
    I think Brad is insane but that’s my opinion and we both know about opinions. Speaking of assholes…..
    Never mind….

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Lol. He’s not insane. He’s just emotionally immature and extremely sensitive. I put up with it because I believe he is capable of growing. He has a good heart, a brilliant mind, an aptitude for figuring things out that I believe can translate to fixing our issues, he treats me beautifully most often and is extremely bgenerous with his time, attention, affection, and all of himself. He is also transparent and honest with me; even when he doesn’t want to be. And we are very, VERY compatible sexually, except for the lovemaking. All this leads me to believe he can be the man I need him to be. But I may be blinded by my emotions and labido a bit. Maybe. Lol

      The thing is….. I am learning a lot about myself here too. There is nothing being lost. I truly don’t mean to make him sound like a burden. Relationships have never been my forte to begin with. I’m brutally honest and very tough love with everyone I am close to. It takes adjusting to when you’re not use to looking at yourself in depth and someone calls out your bullshit to the degree you can’t disregard.

      I appreciate your kind words and compliments though. Truly! It made my day. You’re wife is very lucky to have such a great guy. I want to be so lucky one day.

      This relationship is difficult at times and I’m frustrated because I don’t want it to be. But…… let’s see where it goes.

      “You can’t always get what you want”. Rolling Stones is on right now. Funny coincidence. Lol

      Liked by 1 person

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