I’m pissed. Pissed that this blog has reverted to a complaint board about my relationship with Brad. But here goes yet again…….
He’s always telling me to add pictures and will I say this or I should add that to my blog? I disregard most of what he says simply because my creative expression is my own and I feel zero obligation to him in that regard. I know he gets it.
I had weird dreams last night. In one segment Brad and I were trying to get to our car to leave. We both thought we knew where it was. We then got on an elevator and he proceeds to just take out his dick. The gentleman also wanting to get on backs off and remains waiting staring at Brad in disbelief. I shook my head side to side, sighed, rolled my eyes and said nothing. What was there to say?
It very much resembled our reality. Last night we both got aggravated and upset with each other on and off through the night. When we were finally alone I wanted to talk and clear the air. We sat on the couch and he took out his soft dick and placed my hand on it. To say I was world’s away from feeling horny was an understatement. Eventually he got the hint and put it away.
We settled nothing and he left soon after. We haven’t talked since. We are both such emotional people. We both tend to not always give each other the benefit of the doubt and add to that his keen ability to see himself as the martyr in the equation. It’s beyond frustrating and with neither of us getting sex it becomes worse as we are both very much sex driven.
Counseling earlier this week went well. We are still learning how to own our feelings and then express them non-threateningly. It’s a steep learning curve for both of us.
I crave intimacy with him so desperately but because it doesn’t translate so well into the bedroom there seems to be no make-up sex option for us. Theoretically I could torture him, but because that is born from desire and lust I don’t feel inclined.
It’s days like this that it pisses me off that he reads my blogs. That my ex reads them too and probably grins like the Cheshire cat about our issues.
I mostly hate that I don’t seem to have the capacity to fix this. I believe myself to be a competent, intelligent, savvy, resourceful, first rate problem solver. That’s my jam. Guess I better wipe off those honorary titles from my self professed accolades.
Why is this sooo hard??? For fuck sakes.