The Secret Aspie wrote a great blog about graduating Bitch Academy. I can relate to that. Lately I just don’t care about putting up with people’s bullshit and male ego is towards the very top of that list.
I was also thinking of how cruel I can be to Brad. You would think I feel bad about it, but I don’t. I really don’t. Last night at dinner I told him in front of everyone “enough already”. At first I saw the pain in his eyes, which quickly switched to anger. He said “ok, I’ll just stop talking”. And I simply continued my conversation with my mother. When he settled down enough to ask me why I had said that I told him he was talking too much and leading every conversation and that I wanted others to have a chance to talk.
Truthfully, I am realizing (now that he has stopped taking his medication for a bit) that he needs it or something to cope with his mind. I told him today to call his doctor and get his new medication filled. When and if I get my hands on him full-time I will incorporate better habits into his life and help him naturally manage it. For now though he needs a simpler solution.
The girls have been missing me. Last night as I was leaving to spend the night at Brad’s they all complained. Not about him directly, more so about the lack of time I spend with them. It’s been over two years since the divorce. Time in which I didn’t work as many hours as I do now and I didn’t have a boyfriend so they had me to themselves a lot. I adore my children. I know that I have a very brief time left with them at home. The first one will be leaving in less than 2 years. But I also refuse to let them dictate my social life and I can not possibly work less than I do and afford to live.
So all I can do is slow things down a bit with Brad. For now at least until the time comes (if ever) that things are solid enough to move things to the next level. I refuse to live with a man I’m not married to though so it will be a big jump for everyone at some point, as I do wish to be married again.
I was thanking Brad today for all he has done for me in just the last 24 hours. Let’s see. He bought us dinner, bought the tickets for the show, brought presents for under the tree (the first ones), drove me to his place and back, bought the girls donuts and paid his neice to clean my house today. Not to mention the lovely orgasm and play we had last night and this morning. Plus instead of waking me like he usually does in the middle of the night I was able to easily convince him to let me sleep and got a full 8+ hours in.
So I was thanking him for everything and he says “I’m the lucky one” and my thought to that is simply “you’re damn right!” Lol
He then says to me “I’m going to become an expert about you”, and “you’re making me grow in ways I never even knew I needed to”. Good boi. He’s learning. He is becoming the man and boi and I need him to be. He loves me enough that I think he will get there. But we shall see. Shan’t we?
We shall see…. for now I’m just enjoying the journey.