I was in my studio folding laundry and I was thinking and praying for abundance in my life. Financial abundance that it and not even a minute later I found $30 in the laundry I was folding. I laughed and smiled. I had been thinking bigger but the point seemed made.
Brad stayed over for a bit last night after the girls went to bed. We laid in my bed talking and playing. At one point I was kneeling between his legs and I grabbed a ball in each hand and pulled hard; suspending the weight of my upper torso with them arching myself back as far as I could go. His reactions (especially while trying to not make any noise) were superb. But then he gave himself to me and I flew into deep ecstasy.
He went up on his elbows and through the pain he pushed his groin out towards me so I could suspend myself further back. He looked so beautiful laying beneath me. He opened up to me in a way that was just so real and raw and loving.
I don’t love sadism for the sake of loving sadism. I don’t love it for the sake of inflicting pain. I don’t love it as some form of torture and revenge. I simply, truly, deeply love it when someone gives themselves to me completely and gets lost into that moment. When there is an almost rhythmic ebb and flow of giving and receiving.
When the pain melds into exquisite pleasure and then back again and again as it becomes a yielding to all the senses. When there is a letting go of all desires and thoughts except to please and to be connected to the attention being given. To let oneself go completely into the sensation of it all without any fear or cares or wavering whatsoever; just a beautiful and pure melding of deep desire and true surrender.
Heaven. Magic. It’s unexplainable how powerful of a thing that is and how fucking amazing it feels. There’s making love and there is this. Not the same and yet both completely breathtaking.
You know in life I’ve realized that we don’t get to know all the moving parts of our lives. Truthfully we barely know a small percentage of ourselves. So how are we to know the dynamics of everything and everyone else. There is always so much more going on around us than we are ever really aware of.
This is why I like to rely on my gut instincts so much. Because looks are sometimes deceiving. Words don’t always mean much. And I’ve learned the hard way as well; from not following my instincts that the vast majority of the time they are right.
As I see it, we can’t control much in life outside of ourselves and even then that’s not always very possible. Sooooo. Why hold on so tight? What is there to always have to feel so in control of? Life is in constant, never-ending flux. And as we all know, nothing is ever truly guaranteed. Moments are soo very fleeting. There is just no reason to hold on too tight to anything really. Just enjoy the ride!