Last night Brad and I played in the Sex Chateau for the first time. He asked me “isn’t this nice?” And I said “eventually”. Lol. It isn’t very sexy yet. It will get there. It’s a finished carpeted room with a deeply slanted roof on top of garage. As expected with what is in the garage it smells like motor oil. The wall heater put-putz out a small amount of heat. He has two grandma chairs in it (literally) and just a bunch of mish-mosh stored junk: a bedframe, an exercise machine. I can see how it will be sexy once we get done with it but for now it’s utilitarian.
So we broke out some new toys. I gave him a new safe word “purple” and we, unfortunately, got to it way too quickly because his back started hurting. We were packing up about to go have dinner when I asked him what the new toy was. He excitedly took it out of the package telling me it was a vagina pump and asked if we could use it. Sure! I said.
Initially it felt awkward but I could feel it pulling on me and my clit felt a little tingly. He then started fucking me and it felt really great but when he went back to the pump things went awry quickly. I used my safe word as it was hurting exponentially bad. Note to self “stop” is a horrible safe word. I could have just released some air into the unit but the pain was so atrocious I couldn’t think straight. He then wanted to fuck me more and as he put his dick on me the pain made me see stars and not in a good way. I timidly palpated it and my side walls had prolapsed. Oversharing I know.
You couldn’t see it only feel it. I immediately got into the hot tub, rinsed off and laid in bed with an ice pack on my nethers. I was out for the count all night and didn’t let him near me again. He asked if I lost trust in him. Maybe a tiny bit, but ultimately it was just a bad combination of factors. Needless to say I’ll be hammering that pump to pieces before it gets anywhere near me. Well. Not all sex toys are for all people. I’m up for trying a very precise clit pump though.
I gave Brad an ultimatum last night. Either we make love by New Years or its over. Seems maybe a bit silly but what can I say. I know my emotional needs and that’s a big one. I can’t just have BDSM, porn type sex always. I just can’t. We laugh. We talk. We caress, but we don’t make love and it never occurred to me someone wouldn’t know what that was…. but in talking to Brad we’ve come to the conclusion that he’s never made love before. So it may be a steep learning curve. Good thing I’m up for putting in the “hard” work with a bunch of trial and error. Lol
There are a lot of negatives to Brad and I. Things I’m not sure we can get past. He can be very emotionally immature. He has a potty mouth. He is extremely sensitive, has health issues and also extreme insomnia. These are just his list of issues. I have my own. Together we are one mixed bag of “what now?” Lol and yet here we are trudging along making the best of it. I generally think ultimatums are a waste of time and don’t work. I was really trying to use this as more of an incentive. Probably not my best idea but I have very little filter from thought process to verbalization sometimes.
I have my ex in-laws over at my house for the holiday and so I’ve spent two nights at Brads. Not necessarily trying to avoid them as much as just to take advantage of spending time with Brad knowing the girls are ok. This of course puts a ratchet in my routines though. I’m not really set up at his house. I have a toothbrush and lipstick there. Hardly anything close to my real needs. I just haven’t wanted to inundate him, but I also haven’t been feeling well; digestively and emotionally. I desperately needed my coffee enema. So I bought the 4 ingredients I needed at Walmart and gave myself an away game. It was awkward. The only other time I’ve ever done this was at my best friends house (God bless her).
Brad and I keep arguing. Maybe it shouldn’t surprise me too much about the making love thing. Why are relationships so fucking complicated? Ugghhhhhh. Ultimately I think it’s worth the effort. I still think he’s trainable. Just going moment by moment here. I think I clearly explained to him last night that I have a strong need for calmness and simple joys in my life. I am in a state of overload with all my responsibilities and demands and if he is going to add to that then this won’t work.
Bitchfest over. It’s a gorgeous day out and I’m going to extract all the happiness I can from it. Kiss 💋
Sidenote: This was fun (see image) because I could easily do breath play on him. I didn’t so much like the dildo as just the thought of it. Me using it instead of him and then adding breath play and CBT. Fun fun!! Eventually I just climbed on top of him and he ate me out and I could still do breath play by holding his nose. He was tied to the bed so he was at my complete mercy.
Simple pleasures. Lol 😉