Healthy Boundaries

When you come from an abusive background (childhood) whether that be physical, emotional or sexual it’s hard to know what healthy boundaries are.

A police detective that handled abuse cases for over 20 years told me a story of a young lady who filed rape charges against a man and they could not prosecute the man because of her behavior.

It turns out she went on a date with this guy and they went back to one of their places. He persuaded her to lay in bed with him. Kept telling her nothing would happen; he just wanted to lay with her. Then he persuaded her to get naked, but again with the stipulation that nothing was going to happen sexually. Then once they were both naked he raped her.

It almost sounds unbelievable; but I get it completely. This girl had no idea where her boundaries were let alone what healthy ones look like or how to enforce those.

She came from abuse and was drawing it to herself because she had not repaired the damage to her psyche and just let the pattern keep repeating. At what point is it her fault vs his fault? I’m not the one to answer that question.

All I know is that no one is responsible for someone else’s actions. I try so much to help people navigate their digestive (health) issues; but I so often feel like even though I’ve led them to an oasis of water I can’t make them drink it. Conversely you can entice someone into a negative behavior but ultimately their behavior is their own responsibility. Seems cut and dry to me but it isn’t that simple. Nothing ever is.

Author: porngirl3

I have always enjoyed reading and writing. Maybe because I have always been on the quiet and reclusive side; which most people may not guess at first glance or if seeing me in a social setting, especially around people I am comfortable with but it’s also not something I have an issue with. I need solitude to recharge. Writing gives me the peace and time to renew that is offered to you for your enjoyment and pleasure as well. I hope. Lol

6 thoughts on “Healthy Boundaries”

  1. Yes, Porngirl13, I agree totally with you about ‘Boundaries’ If someone has never witnessed healthy boundaries then how would they know the difference. When a person is raised with abuse; they feel that their welfare is unimportant. It takes education to create a psychic change. Someone has to care enough to help the individual. I commend you for your efforts.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you. I wish I could help others but I’ve been in serious, self reflective, cognitive behavioral change mode for over 3 years and while I’ve made huge leaps and bounds I still have so much to go. It’s hard to unravel how much the past affects your every day existence and actions when you come from serious abuse and unconsciously continue the abuse into adulthood. It’s hard to look at it and say….. ok… that’s the past… it affected me and still affects me… but…. what am I going to do about it? How am I going to move forward?

      I’ve had to reach out to experts and talk to a lot of other people trudging the same road and even then the journey has been mine alone to carry. A deeply painful and yet also beautiful one of trying to find self-love, forgiveness, and joy.

      I wish I had a magic wand. But I don’t. So the hard work must be done. Things aren’t perfect. I’m not sure perfect is attainable. I have gratitude for what I have gained on this difficult path….. and have faith and trust that more good will come. I do the work but I leave a lot of it to much higher powers. I guess it helps to believe in angels and God. It helps me at least. But I can only speak for myself.

      Liked by 1 person

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