Reluctant to complain. Maybe because I’m feeling a bit overwhelmed. Maybe because things could always be worse.
My ex asked me if there were cameras in any rooms in my house today. At 10am I didn’t question it; at 3:30-am paranoia sets in. Lol
Brad alluded that I can be self righteous sometimes which I suppose I can be.
I’m a say what you mean and mean what you say kind of person.
I have a hard time understanding pretense sometimes, especially when I can’t see past it; which I dare seems often.
Sometimes I feel like people think I should be more scared than I am…… but I hate being scared. It’s why I don’t watch scary movies. I don’t need to dwell on things. I watched Jaws and couldn’t get in any body of water larger than a bathtub for years afterwards. So I’d rather just not go there. Lol
But I get it. Everyone is different. I can only say what works for me and what I’ve seen work for others that are a bit like me too; I guess. We all have to figure this life shit out for ourselves. For my own peace of mind I feel I have to give it all up; give up the fear, give up the anger, judgment, etc. the battering self-consciousness feelings of self depreciation and/or despair.
I can’t be happy and feel fully alive with feelings of guilt, bitterness, hatred. I believe in the “manifest your destiny” stuff. I guess I do. But I also believe that just going with what life presents and keeping an open mind and heart makes every moment much more pleasurable. And while I like the bing bangs in life. I like the happiness of just being happy so much better.
Now it’s just a matter of me remembering that.