Shit happens. Right? Makes for keeping on your toes a bit, but you can see that as good or bad or just what it is.
I can let life overwhelm me, I can get anxious and stressed and uptight or I can just see things as an opportunity for growth. I can take a shitty situation and fester in it and make it worse; really draw all the negativity to the surface and just sit in the shit of it all or I can take a deep breath; focus on what needs to and can be done (if anything) and stay positive (or as positive as possible).
Sometimes I just have to remind myself; “one day this will be in the past”. Some days that may be the only consolation. So yea there’s all this talk about “it’s all about your attitude”, “It’s how you respond and not what happens to you that matters”. On and on…. the advice never stops. My take-away is that I truly don’t need added stress telling me that I’m not doing things right when I’m already in a shitty situation to begin with.
My take-away is…. how can I manage this turbulence, not let it overwhelm me and possibly maybe even find some minutiae of happiness or positive life lesson from it. Who has the time, energy or desire to sit and figure out what my attitude problem is? Psychologists get paid good money for that, with extensive training and even they can’t figure out how to get people to modify their behavior.
Today I was washing and disinfecting my enema tube and I noticed my shoulders horribly tense and I realized that I just need to focus on the task at hand. I want to not hold on to the stress constantly. I just want to live in the moment. I want to be the person just watching and disinfecting and not the person worrying about a million other things while she absentmindedly washes and disinfects. Half in the world, half lost in the saga of life; the ongoing soap opera. I want to be fully present. Fully open. Fully aware. As much as I can be at least.
It’s all much less overwhelming that way too. To completely clear my mind of all things, breath, and take in only what I am doing at that exact present moment. What am I touching? What am I smelling? What’s happening right in this place and time and experience?
It’s a bit Buddhist. I’ll give you that. That’s what I guess I like about that philosophy. It’s a way of living that promotes serenity. I don’t consider it a religion really, although I know it is that. I don’t follow the edicts or sing the mantras or believing in the hierarchy of it. Religions are by the whole silly to me that way. But I do believe that each religion; even Satanism has a kernel of truth to it: has something of value to add to people’s lives.
I was reading about how the veteran that killed those people at the bar recently posted to social media claiming to be of sane mind but bored. Bored!!! I may hate religions but they do provide social structures and community that some people truly need and can benefit from. I wish we lived in a world where community was easy to build and we weren’t all so isolated and fearful.
But I’m not going to focus on that today. Today I’m going to focus on my bratlets. Absences makes the heart grow fonder and even as I hear them arguing with each other I can’t help but smile. Life is good. I can say this because I purposely chose to focus on the good. And it’s as simple as that.
On another note I only got to about 3 messages on my Fetlife account last night. I did however change my status to “in a relationship”. Don’t ask me why that felt a bit monumental to me. I realize it’s a rather insignificant formality that few people, if any, care about….. but it still truly did. Should it? Hmmmmm. Don’t know.