Life choices, BDSM and my need for submission

Mostly in life we make choices without knowing the full consequences of them. I often think about how people don’t know waking up in the morning that this will be their last day alive. They just don’t and it’s better that way I’m sure. But going into BDSM one generally knows that there are many pitfalls and extremes there. While we never quite know how far we can and will take it one can intuit that if not mindful and cautious one can hurt or get hurt rather easily….and I don’t mean that in a strictly physical sense.

I’ve heard many stories first hand of the dangers that lurk in the underbelly of sex and that’s with consenting adults mind you. I can’t help but wonder with Brad and us both being so adventurous and perverted how far we will go. Is it funny that him calling me his “slutty little girl” and giving me permission to fuck whomever I want while he is gone doesn’t really inspire me to do so. I think what Fursissy told me was right. Once I’m emotionally satisfied all else will fall into place.

That will be fully cemented and prove itself true once we actually make love. If that doesn’t happen here within the next few months then I’m going to have to accept the fact that as great as this is…. it’s lacking something I truly need and want and I’ll have no choice but to walk away. I don’t have a crystal ball for how and when and if that will happen. I have “made love” fully clothed without having sex… if that can be believed. It’s a depth of emotion, openness and connection that I am ultimately seeking and while BDSM is hella fun it’s not the end all for me. Love is!

–/-/-

As you all may or may not know I absolutely love power exchanges. I salivate and grunt like an animal at the thought of having a man of my desiring in full submission. The feeling of Domme space is one soooo enthralling and luscious that I simply can’t explain the depths that is takes me to. The headspace it puts me in is nothing short of divine.

I keep thinking I’m drawing away from being submissive and then a deep pang of desire hits me and I get overcome with a need to submit….a need to be utilized for pleasure. A need to not have a choice and to find fear in that. Maybe the span between that desire has stretched out. Maybe once I get satiated I get driven more by vanilla sex than I’m used to. Don’t quite know.

I think I’ll start charting my sexual desires, fantasies and dalliances in a journal. It will clarify it for myself much better than all this guessing and when I’m old and can’t remember any of it will bring a blush to my face. Lol. That alone seems worth it.

Author: porngirl3

I have always enjoyed reading and writing. Maybe because I have always been on the quiet and reclusive side; which most people may not guess at first glance or if seeing me in a social setting, especially around people I am comfortable with but it’s also not something I have an issue with. I need solitude to recharge. Writing gives me the peace and time to renew myself...here that is offered to you for your enjoyment and pleasure as well. I hope. Lol

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