Brad and I talked this morning. I have the house to myself with no meetings scheduled until later this afternoon. He suggested I masturbate. I probably will but knowing myself it will leave me completely unsatisfied. I need the push and pull of another person. I need the tactile part of the experience to quench the deep thirst inside. It’s a bit like having some of the stale wafer cookies you always have in your cupboard vs a full dessert table.
It’s the boring same old vs the mystery and delight of the possibilities. What will happen? How will it happen? How will it feel, smell, taste, sound? Will there be a release? How will it come? It’s all part of the experience. It isn’t just something to get it over with. The only thing that makes masturbating palatable is knowing I have the time and can lay in bed until I reach 3 or 4 orgasms. 5 is really hard to get to and super time consuming and frankly just gets boring by that point…..even with porn on.
Someone I know makes DMT. Frankly I’ve never been into drugs…..but from the few I’ve tried I have to say psychotropics are my favorite. I haven’t dabbled since my teens after I had a friend have a serious melt down with LSD where she ended up hospitalized and was never quite the same person afterwards. Cocaine I found less potent than 5 cups of coffee and wasteful since I could barely feel anything. Maybe because I’ve always suffered from very low blood pressure it just seemed to make me feel normal. Which isn’t the point of it. Lol
I’m absolutely not advocating drug use by any means. The only drug I fully endorse is organic (pesticide free) THC and I only really like it for medical reasons. Since I’ve never done it for fun I can’t comment to that regard. I use it for pain, anxiety and insomnia. I’ve discussed this before so I won’t go on.
But…. DMT intrigues me. It’s like peyote only supposedly better and producing a truly intense spiritual experience. While I genuinely feel that anything the body can produce with drugs it could theoretically mimic without drugs. Which is why I believe in neuro-feedback and wish we utilized it more. (It obviously wouldn’t be the case with all things like nutrient deficiencies. Right?)
If it comes up in my stratosphere naturally I may or may not partake. But I think I know which way I’m leaning right now. We’ll see. It would have to be in an environment I felt safe and with people I trust. Those are not small asks. And drugs are a slippery slide sometimes. I don’t think psychotropics are addicting as one can not possibly function in “real life” while high on them and a once in a grand while dalliance should be fine.
But overall I am hyper-mindful of any drug (legal or not) I put in my body. A look in my medicine cabinet will tell you likewise. Castor oil is probably my most frequently utilized “drug”… not that you can even consider it that really. Lol
God has shown itself to me time and time again without the use of anything at all except prayer/meditation. Soooo. There is not really a FOMO thing happening here. This is more an exploration of depths of consciousness that I am too inept to see without peeling away at all the layers.
We all have our baggage. We all have blinders on. We all have our own way of perceiving and taking in the world. We all filter the world through our own unique and damaged lenses. Sometimes it feels good to strip all of that away……
it’s the cheating man’s way. But who has the time and ability to sequester themselves in a cave for years on end getting to a place of complete clarity. I feel that’s the equivalency of what it would take. That’s what LSD used to do for me. When it wasn’t just pure shitfaced fun. I’m lucky to have had good friends that babysat me then. Because boy are those some funny and could have been potentially, lethally dangerous stories.
Youth is not wasted on the young. Lol. I firmly believe that, but I don’t envy them their stupidity. I’m barely only slightly less stupid now really. Soooooo…. yea. No need to go back to being more stupider.
Brad and I are toying with an idea for bottled water called
“Unstupid Water” – so you don’t get more stupider. (Patent pending) 😉😝