Brad has granted me permission to sleep with whomever while he’s gone. This seems redundant as that seems to always be his stance but he was very vocal about making sure I was aware. I think it’s funny. He even wanted me to contact Ivy; again funny.
It’s a bit of a mixed bag. For one, it’s my decision irregardless. Secondly, him giving me “permission” really almost takes away all complete desire to do so. Would I have the desire to “cheat” where he to be adamantly into monogamy? Can’t without a doubt say; but let’s venture to say probably….maybe?…just based on past behavior. Except I’m more emotionally mature than I used to be. I know what I want a lot more than I used to and I am with him because I want to be with him….. for him expressly and not for some ulterior motive or what I “can get” out of it.
Not that I’ve ever truly been that way, but part of me did marry my ex because I thought he would be a stable provider and good father and although I cared for him….. and still care for him… I was never really in love with him (which could have happened but he subconsciously deterred from happening several times…. for reasons I now comprehend). But I vowed when I divorced him to only ever be with a man for love…. pure love. Even if that meant being potentially alone the rest of my life….
In fact I’ve decided that if things don’t (for whatever reason) work out with Brad and I; I am going to take the time and energy I’m spending on him and go back and get a naturopathy degree of some sort. Not sure how I would swing it financially but maybe being on food stamps can qualify me for some assistance there. Who knows?
I managed to masturbate last night and then Brad proceeded to engage me in a political discussion which soured quickly. He told me how his father was impressed with Kavanaugh based on the hearings. Brad then went on to rave about Trump and “the numbers”. OMG.
I finally was like look “I’m happy this idiot hasn’t taken us to war or crashed the economy, but if you’re going to sit here and tell me he doesn’t blatantly lie about things then I’m going to have to question your intelligence”. We agreed to stop discussing it at that point. This is going to be a huge sticking point for us and it totally ruined the relaxation I had gained from my lovely orgasm.
I suppose I could go find someone to fuck….. but I really don’t see the point.