Children don’t do drugs; not by choice at least. Maybe because they are generally much more active and not usually jaded and bitter they don’t need them. I look at my children and wonder why I feel the need to drink alcohol; habit, relaxation, social norm/pressure, enjoyment, that buzzy feeling.
I wish my liver wasn’t under protest about it. It was the munchies 6th birthday party and I firmly believe any adult willing to stay for a birthday party with over 20 screaming kids should have a well deserved, commemorative, alcoholic beverage or two. I made homemade sangria. It was yummy. Then I proceeded to have 2 glasses. Maybe to the normal person 2 glasses is barely a buzz, but to my body it is complete and extreme overload.
I was absolutely exhausted after the party and could barely extradite myself from my children at 10pm to then drive to Brad’s house. I had told him how tired I was and he had told me we would cuddle, watch movies, no sex. I figure if he at least gave me until the morning to get a good nights sleep that would be great. We didn’t make it two hours before he was pouncing on me. I should have known by how extremely tender I was that something was off.
But it’s like a drug when he tell me these things I feel deeply to be true. Today he looked into my eyes as he thrust into me hard and told me how no one has ever turned him on like I do. He says these things that make my insides gooey and they aren’t just lines; at least they truly don’t seem like it to me. He seems to really mean every word and it comes through and hits so many delicate spots inside my heart.
About 2 hours after sex my liver was radiating pain. I hadn’t eaten more than a few fries on the way to his house all night so he made me some eggs. Initially it seemed to help and then almost immediately I felt nauseous and started to do that sweaty, shallow breathing one does when they’re about to vomit.
Brad drove me home, not before wanting to drive me to the ER though.
I’ll have to tell you all the story of my 3 days of no sleep with excruciating liver pain and as high as I could possibly get on THC (for pain). It was one wild ride. I definitely don’t want a repeat of that.
Ay yay yay. A sorry lot he and I are. I have liver disease (undiagnosed but I don’t need a doctor to tell me something so obvious and the ER doctors all seem to concur anyway; even without proof and no I will not let them do exploratory surgery.)
Brad has a gamete of degenerative issues; extreme back pain, nerve damage, sinus problems, insomnia/sleep apnea, reflux, I’m sure I’ve missed a few more.
I need to fucking just accept the fact that I can not drink; not even a little. It just bums me the hell out really. Can I revert back to childlike active innocence where I don’t even miss it? Here’s to hoping if not that….. better. Lol
Truthfully, even though I’ve asked, offered and really want to do the Gerson Therapy with Brad. I know that the liver as regenerative as it is does not regenerate from alcohol poisoning and I have a weak liver. Everyone had a physical Achilles. I have many… lucky me. Anyway. I still would like to do it. If I can get all my other organs functioning well and stop drinking I should theoretically have a full long life. Here’s to the beauty of dreams!!