I remember I put that on my Fetlife profile once. Searching for a heart of gold. I did meet some really great people on my dating journey. I connected deeply with a few special guys and now here I find myself in the girlfriend stage. It’s obviously a precursor to marriage; if we get there.
I don’t have as much anxiety as I was experiencing earlier. In fact, right now we are in a really good spot. We’ve hit a really nice little groove. I hate to say it. I hate to jinx it. To find someone who not only loves me deeply, understands me, accepts and adores me as I am, that takes me with all my baggage and lifts me up in so many ways, with kindness, with emotional, physical, financial support, with so much love, consideration and fulfillment of my extreme tactile needs.
I feel so lucky and somehow I am trying not to be scared. I am trying to keep myself open and vulnerable to it. It’s easy sometimes and it takes breaking down some walls others. It takes making a lot of steps in the dark and hoping that not only is my footing stable but there aren’t legos or minefields underfoot, until I feel the light again.* Hoping this is the “little steps” ( – Merrie Armsterberg) towards what I’ve wanted my entire life.
No pressure! Lol
But lately some days I feel like the luckiest person in the world.
In so many ways God has blessed me tremendously as of late and I am so greatly humbled and full of deep gratitude and overwhelmed…..
Happy tears are the best. Aren’t they?
*As far as my ability to trust (myself even) and my severe ptsd with men and relationships in general.