You’d think reading this blog that I have nothing better to do than sit around thinking about sex and my love life. It’s a bit of a stretch from my reality; but that’s what this is for. It’s an escape. It’s a rumination. It’s all the bubbly yumminess I like to obsess about. I don’t want to ruminate about chores, bills, needed oil changes, doctors appointments, diet, exercise, health issues, on and on. Ugghh. Just writing that promotes heartburn.
This morning I took my morning tea outside and sat in the sunny, breeze filled fresh air. I was contemplating my love life. (Shocker! Lol) Where it’s going? Wondering what’s in store. I can’t see the future clearly. I was wondering if I should let it go along of its own accord or do I concentrate on what I want to see manifested. As I was setting myself up with a warm blanket and scooting my chair into the sun I look down and see my phone FaceTiming Kurt. It was an odd coincidence.
I don’t quite know what that’s suppose to mean; if anything. We can’t be together. This I fully accepted months ago. I’ve made peace with that. So looking down and seeing this just added confusion to my already jumbled thoughts. I don’t have a clear idea of how I’m getting to where I want to be, but I have a very clear thought of how that needs to feel:
Complete ease, joy, an undoubtably safety, adoration and unconditional, overwhelming love, a bond that is deep, true and unshakable….. never ending. I don’t mean this one sidedly either. This isn’t something I want to just receive. This is something I want to be an active part of. This is something I also want to give, to share in. This is what I want manifested. It’s what I’ve wanted my entire life more clearly than anything else.
Except one thing maybe. Which when I remember makes me laugh. Right about the time people start asking “what do you want to be when you grow up” I always had a prompt and unwavering answer to that…. which holds true to this day. Even as people tried explaining why that was not a correct answer it never stopped me from feeling it deeply. That answer is, was and always has been…..
Wishing you all happiness today. 💋❤️