Learning the intricacies of BDSM via hands on experience is so much fun but also has a steep learning curve. Since each relationship dynamic is different so then each experience of D/s is as well.
Today I made Brad top me. This is what happened:
I had to run out on an errand so I told him to come in, get undressed and lay in my bed waiting for me. He texted me when he arrived as I had requested. Once I got back I made my way slowly to the bedroom and established a baseline. How was he feeling? How was his back? Was he tired? Did he need anything to drink before we began? I could tell how excited he was as he jumped up the moment I came into the room.
I laid him back down on the bed on his back and climbed on after undressing to my bra and panties and straddled his tummy. He was wearing a makeshift blindfold and he had taken the initiative of wearing one of my bra’s and thongs. I told him how much I appreciate him thinking of this detail and told him he was going to top me today. This means “I will let you have control but I will dictate what that will look like, how it will go and if and when it will end”.
Then I explained exactly what I wanted to see. I said;
“After we have established that you understand what I am saying we will start. First you will kneel beside the bed and you will rub my feet with oil. Once I am satisfied with that you will proceed to message my back. Once that has satisfied me I will tell you when we can proceed with you topping me. I want you to mark my tits and ass. I want you to be rough with me. If it gets too intense I will say STOP. No matter what else I say: no, you’re hurting me, cry, whatever…..you do not need to stop. Once we are at a point where I am very turned on AND you are also very hard I want you to put me on top of you just as I am now (cowgirl) with my bullet. I want to orgasm this way. At this point control will revert back to me and you will end all topping me.”
I then asked him to repeat everything I said which he did. And I told him to start. Everything went almost exactly as planned except he lost his erection while I was still on top of him and we reverted to me on the bed on my back with him straddling me and me using my bullet to cum while he tried to masturbate onto my face. I came great. He yet again did not.
It’s hard for me to not get frustrated with his sexual idiosyncrasies. I recognize his age and the drugs he is on play a big part of him cycling in and out of hardness but I think there may be a bit of a mental disconnect as well.
Either way we have to find a cock cage for his massive cock that also enshrouds his balls. It doesn’t help matters that he is constantly playing with himself. He is very desensitized because of it….. but I get that that is usually the only way he cums. I am trying to help him change that and fortunately he is on board.
I also told him two days ago
“One of the reasons I am with you is because I think you’re trainable”. Lol
Probably a very mean thing to say. Controlling and all. But it’s the truth. He is not PG enough when my children are around. He needs to focus more…. in general. He needs to prioritize his goals better and he needs to redirect all his sexual energy towards me…. not himself. It is what it is. I am demanding. I don’t try to hide it. I have clear expectations. I also feel I am well worth it. He knows that if he is not willing to put in the effort I require the exit is clearly marked.
We’ve invested a lot of time and energy into each other. We have a very nice thing going. I enjoy him tremendously….. but…. I know my needs and I expect them to be met. Emotionally. Sexually. Intellectually. Financially.
You have to know what you want in life if you have any chance of actually getting it. At least that’s how my life seems to work. It’s also the basis for “The Secret”. Isn’t it?
For now he is doing all I need and more. I say jump he jumps and asks questions later, if needed. Sometimes he jumps before I even need to request it. He has gotten pretty good at anticipating my needs and taking care of them, in all realms. Which is just how I like things and it’s what makes me adore him more and more.
We keep progressing at this clip and it may get to the point where I can’t see myself living without him. That is the kind of love I’m wanting….after all. I don’t need a self help book to recognize that is considered “unhealthy” by most people’s standards. I don’t care. It’s what I want and need. I need that level of absolute, unconditional, all-encompassing love… on both sides….. or what’s the point?
Maybe things are different for other people. I understand that my perspective is only one of so many possible, but I only know what I know. You gotta do you. I gotta do me. Right? Right!
I had originally also slated out pegging him today. Which we have only done once before, but we ran out of time. I will have to pencil that in sometime soon. Unfortunately though I’ve got to be in the mood which isn’t always…. or even usually. Lol