I came to the conclusion last night that I’m just going to do whatever the fuck I want from now on.
Starting with my sex life. Brad has given me the green light to do as I please and I’m going to allow myself that luxury. Now does that mean I will be supine most of my waking hours? Lol. Hardly. I do have three 2 legged children, three 4 legged ones, two businesses and a boyfriend. Frankly I can’t see thing being all that much different than how they are joe except with some bonus scenes and extras thrown in here and there.
Outside of sex what does this now mean? Well. Let me run you through a bit of my day yesterday; minus the rated R parts because well….. gotta leave something for the memoire. Lol
I was pulling into the parking lot of the dollar store. Trying to source cheap party supplies for the youngest kidlet because she has been insisting that she wants a party and nothing I said or did or tried to bribe her with would dissuade her and I was the one that promised her a play date with all her preschool friends over the summer and didn’t follow through. Which she has held against me continually and this would make up for.
I did insist it be Halloween theme so I would not have to buy decorations. She begrudgingly accepted and has hopped on board as we’ve progressed. Anyway, I pull in just as my dad calls. I love my dad but he takes a lot of emotional energy to deal with. He expects and needs me to be fully present when we communicate. I didn’t want to answer but I also needed to clarify an email I sent him. I hesitated momentarily and then realized that stopping everything I was doing and talking to him was going to be more beneficial than delaying it.
So I sat in the parking lot while the tot grew boisterously impatient and we hashed things out. Ultimately realizing that some things even if really don’t want to do them….like paying taxes…. I truthfully really do want to do to avoid any repercussions and/or just simply to get things over with that need to be done.
Then I stepped out of the car and almost stepped on a full slushee cup. I walked past it 3 times and wanted to pick it up each time. But it was sticky. It was gross. It was not my problem (theoretically) but each time I swung past it my inclination was to pick it up and find a trash can. I didn’t. Next time that happens though I will. Not because I have to. Not because it’s the right thing to do. But because I want to. I just want to dammit.
Life is too God damn short. I am in no hurry to leave but I also don’t want to have regrets. I’m pretty even keeled; level headed mostly, responsible leaning, pretty compassionate most often I think. Who knows. Probably overestimating myself here a bit, but I’m truthfully not worried about the implications of doing whatever the Hell I want without feeling guilt. Not to say I still don’t have to be on guard against the selfish little gnomes creeping around inside, but some indulgence isn’t always a bad thing either.
One life people! Right?
But retirement accounts aren’t a bad thing to think about either. Lol