Sweet minx that she is. She has allowed me to share more pictures and her fetlife ID.
I have so many lovely plans for this little kitten.
In case you aren’t on Fetlife or don’t care to pursue I will include a story she wrote today.
Written by Ivy:
Praying/Why I Left
“I’m proud of who I am
No more monsters, I can breathe again
And you said that I was done
Well, you were wrong and now the best is yet to come
‘Cause I can make it on my own, oh
And I don’t need you, I found a strength I’ve never known
I’ll bring thunder, I’ll bring rain, oh
When I’m finished, they won’t even know your name” – Praying by Kesha
I had a dream about you last night; well maybe not a dream, but a nightmare. Your hands were around my throat, my feet off the floor. Then you dropped me, I hit the hardwood floor. I had a seizure. You didn’t stop there, though.
Again, you grabbed me, lifted me off the ground by my tiny neck, and nearly choked me to death. Again I fell and had another seizure. I was helpless. I trusted you and you betrayed that. You made me promises that you didn’t follow through with.
It was my mistake to meet you. I hadn’t before, and we only exchanged messages online. You had me convinced I wouldn’t make it out. By my fourth seizure, I blacked out. When I woke, you were raping me in the ass. “Is this how it ends?” I thought to myself.
Lucky for me, I got out. But you made me run. This world became too much, and I emerged myself in drugs and self inflicted cuts to further escape my pain. You’re the reason I ran. I left behind the kink world and everything, and everyone, I loved. I couldn’t stand myself anymore. I felt dirty. I felt worthless. And to this day, nearly five years later, your memory still haunts me. If I were to run into you I don’t know what I’d do. Would I run? Would I cry? Scream? Or would I keep walking?
I couldn’t tell you, but I hope I never have to find out. Most of the time I don’t think about you. But I have my moments. Like when I’m in the shower, and it gets too steamy. Because of you, I’m on the brink of a seizure in a hot shower or sauna because my brain feels a slight oxygen deprivation. When I jog and run out of breath I get woozy and have to sit. I can’t enjoy breath play as much anymore, but that’s fine. This taught me a lesson. I can’t enjoy rope as much, in regards to the ties I can be in. Nothing can strangle me. I have to be careful about being upside down too long. But like I said, you taught me a lesson.
That lesson though, it was a good one. It took me years to learn it, but I finally have. I learned to love myself. I learned to surround myself with people who are deserving of my love, and my body. I learned that I’m beautiful, and deserve the world whether or not the people I’m with want to give that to me. I learned that life goes on and I don’t need to keep you at the forefront of my brain 24/7. I learned that you can be choked, beat, electrocuted, and raped, and still be happy. I learned to look in the mirror and tell myself, “you’re worth it”. After my nightmare last night, I’ve learned once more that you truly don’t control me. I am my own person. A beautiful, smart, funny, young woman. No one, not even you, can take that away from me.
One day, you will die. This gives me peace. One day, I’m assured, you will be judged. You will no longer be free of your sins.
“Ah sometimes, I pray for you at night, oh
Someday, maybe you’ll see the light
Whoa oh oh oh, some say, in life, you’re gonna get what you give
But some things only God can forgive” – Praying by Kesha