Fucking Exhausted

I was so tired all day. I drank alcohol Friday for the event and then I drank a glass last night at a networking mixer for the chamber of commerce. It was fun; my liver was not happy about it though. It’s a mild nagging pain that just really seems to make me lethargic. Plus it’s been a hectic little week. Toilet overflowing. Late to meetings. Doctors appointments. 2 hours making homemade lasagna for one bite from the birthday girl; she was sick…. I wasn’t mad. New therapist appointments. Damaged packages. On and on. Ugghhh

So when Brad wanted to come over tonight I hesitated momentarily. That he wants to drive up an hour from his house to spend a few hours with me and “give me my daily orgasm” (as he puts it) is something I do not take for granted. So I sucked it up and sure enough even through my exhaustion he gave me a pleasant release and if that wasn’t good measure he ate me out while I was still sensitive right after. Which is akin to being given double dessert. Mmmmmmmm. So yummy.

At the mixer last night I met up with a man I admire. A local builder/investor/winery owner. Married to a super hot wife. Family guy. It’s not a romantic admiration. I just like him and will make it a point to talk to him when I see him at these events. He was asking about my business and I knew that he wanted real information and not the “oh, it’s good” spiel I generally hand out. I told him my return rate was horribly low. Industry wide it’s over 80% and I am in the teens. He suggested I add another modality to my practice; he wanted me to think about prostate massage.

I spent all today thinking about this. This is a very serious dilemma and if I can’t figure out why the disparity I won’t make it. So I’m going to come up with a survey and offer a free infrared treatment to any past client who fills out said survey. I’m hoping I get to the bottom of it. I may hear some criticism that won’t be easy to take. I’m just hoping I’ll get something useful out of it. Something that will tell me if this is truly something I should keep investing so much time and energy in or not.

I was reading in a horoscope book today about my exact birth day and it said some pretty appropriate things. It said I am too idealistic. I need to take my head out of the clouds and be much more realistic, listen to people that have advice for me; even if it’s not advice I really want to take or believe. I’m not sure about everything it said. I really don’t see what I could be repressing. As far as unaware; well how does one figure out what one isn’t aware of? Maybe it’s right. Maybe it’s wrong.

When I ask myself what do I really want? What’s going to make me truly happy?

It’s

1) providing stability for my children

2) being healthy and active

3) having deep meaningful experiences and time to truly enjoy life

But I know these items are too abstract. There is nothing concrete in these wishes. I need to solidify them more. I need actual concise details so I can actively work towards achieving them.

I remember I met Louise Hays (the late self help guru) when she did a psychic reading for me over 20 years ago. She told me I would be a spiritual lecturer. She said I would marry a man that didn’t drink and that my daughter would be my assistant and biggest fan. At the time I was no where near married, pregnant or with spiritual aspirations of the sort. I still don’t think I have those aspirations. It goes along the lines of the theory I hold that we each need to be our own saviors in life and that there is nothing unique to say; not even spiritually.

That we haven’t advanced as a society spiritually when he have advanced leaps and bounds scientifically and technologically I’m not sure is mere happenstance. When the world starts to take responsibility for itself individually and as a whole in a real “we are one; we are all interconnected” mentality then and only then will the tables turn. I may not be around to see it; but I hope it does come before it’s too late for us stupid cockroaches.

Author: porngirl3

I have always enjoyed reading and writing. Maybe because I have always been on the quiet and reclusive side; which most people may not guess at first glance or if seeing me in a social setting, especially around people I am comfortable with but it’s also not something I have an issue with. I need solitude to recharge. Writing gives me the peace and time to renew myself...here that is offered to you for your enjoyment and pleasure as well. I hope. Lol

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