Tooth fairies, sputtering orgasms and sex club anxiety

I had a hard time again this morning with my meditations. Partly because I realized the tooth fairy forgot to do her job in the middle of the night and I had to figure out how to orchestrate the maneuver with the stirring child beside me. Once that was accomplished I realized the entire goal of my meditation is to bring that peace and comfort into my every day existence. To bring that serenity into every moment of my life and not just my brief morning solace. Ongoing mission.


Well so much for vanilla sex yesterday. We played lightheartedly though. I was having a hard time orgasming at first. I realize that I get anxious because he cycles in and out of being erect during sex and while I don’t need him to be hard to orgasm somehow it still messes with my head. So much of sex and orgasming is mental.

At one point he had me laying on my back, legs spread wide and he started spanking my clit with his hand and penis. He had a towel firmly placed over my face. Once he began fucking me I started orgasming quickly except that I need a continual rhythm and he kept stopping. Odd because he has my orgasming pattern down pretty well by this point and knows exactly what it takes to get me there.

I could sense it was because he was losing his erection though but I was already cresting and I was desperate for him to keep going. I breathlessly begged him not to stop. It wasn’t a huge release as much as a huge build-up with a small sputtering release. I was so intensely aroused I was hyperventilating and needed a few minutes to come to. It was an extremely intense little episode but it was also a huge tease for the phenomenal orgasm and release I felt coming. No complaints though.

I know that every man and every experience is different but I’ve never been with a man who routinely does not orgasm. So while I do enjoy that it makes my orgasm the center of attention it also makes me curious about his workings. Is it mental, physical or both? I know he’s on meds that make it difficult for him, and I’m trying not to see it as an affront to my desirability….. but do I just forget about his orgasms entirely or do I invest the time and energy to figure this out.

It’s not that I don’t want to put in the work, it’s that he isn’t giving me much information. I’m game to try pretty much anything but he is not vocal or demonstrative about this. It’s like giving someone puzzle pieces but no picture. I suppose we just see what sticks. But jeez…. with so many possibilities and no road map. Hmmphhh.


I’m used to men being completely open and transparent with me. I’m used to being with men that are a bit more in tune with their emotional and physical senses. It’s what I naturally gravitate towards.

So even when the psychologist earlier this week found it odd that men tell me their sexual desires even when they include things seen as potentially “illegal” and most definitely deviant it didn’t strike me as odd at all.

I am completely open and accepting. Anything I don’t disclose is because I don’t see it myself. So I can understand that he does not see these things about himself. It does however frustrate me quite a bit honestly. Maybe I can force it out of him somehow, but that doesn’t seem very nice of me. He does like torture….but I’ve never given him purposeful pain, just fun pain. There is a gentler way…it just takes much longer.

I can see how hard he tries to please me. I sense that the majority of what he does he does for me, for my pleasure, for my happiness. He seems to truly, deeply love me. Soooo….. I’m not trying to break him, or make him into my puppet…. but I do want to get to the gushy middle and see what makes him tick; sexually and not sexually. We have time I spose.


I’m a bit scared and apprehensive about tonight. How inclusive is a trans/cd event? Will I be mistaken for a trans? Which is fine with me but I would hate to disappoint. Lol. Do they want my type there? Granted I’m not even sure what my type is, but I am obviously not trans or CD. I am a fan. I am an admirer. I am a friend…. maybe….. hopefully and possible playmate. Never say never. Right?


Author: porngirl3

I have always enjoyed reading and writing. Maybe because I have always been on the quiet and reclusive side; which most people may not guess at first glance or if seeing me in a social setting, especially around people I am comfortable with but it’s also not something I have an issue with. I need solitude to recharge. Writing gives me the peace and time to renew that is offered to you for your enjoyment and pleasure as well. I hope. Lol

16 thoughts on “Tooth fairies, sputtering orgasms and sex club anxiety”

  1. I think some vasodilators could help nicely. One of my ex-mates, who was over sixty and had unstable and short lasting (at least for me) erections, began to use pills in a quite regular basis and they worked to meet my best expectations (which are not a trifle, since I am quite avid and have a strong sex drive). He did not come off often, but he could really take me to the “non-stop” rides I do like and do need 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Like Viagra? He was on them. Popped them like pills. Said he still needed to be mentally aroused to be stay stimulated. I get that it’s both physical and mental. It’s the exact same for me now-a-days.

      Living, learning and I’m all for vasodilators. They should hand them out like candy to all men over 40 at every doctor visit. They should send them in the mail every two weeks. They should make it into a powder you shake on every meal. Lol.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Hahaha! I agree, and not only about men over 40… In my experience, younger boys (under 30) may have more erectile problems than older ones.
        About your mate, it’s true that horniness comes from the brain and that pills act very little, if at all, on this aspect, but I’ve tried them, just out of curiosity, and got hard as a wood for hours :))

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Hmmmm. He must be getting the fake ones from Geek maybe. Lol. Truthfully I don’t need a hard cock to orgasm. It’s more the thought of him being hard for me that turns me on. So just as it can be positive reinforcement for both of us one way it can also be a horrible vicious cycle the other way. If that makes sense.

        Liked by 1 person

      3. I makes all the sense. I understand you very well, about the feeling of any lover being aroused at our side. And in the case of men, being hard. For me, since I am now strictly a bottom, this is even more important. It would make me feel silly –and the situation, laughable– if I were hard and leaking and my mate didn’t or did it dubiously :/


      4. Dubiously. Interesting use of that word.

        So wait. As a bottom are you hard or does it essentially not matter if you are? I know slaves and 24/7 subs have no impulses of their own and some are taught not to cum or to come only a certain way or time.

        Liked by 1 person

      5. It does not matter at all to me if I am. I orgasm independently of my pee; from inside the butt, and I do not like much to be stimulated there beyond some foreplay. I squirt and often cum when taken, whether I’m hard or limp, but certainly, from a point onwards, my orgasms use to be dry. Said so, if I am with a person that I like much, I get hard very soon and stay hard very long, yes. Fortunately, I do not have a big pee :))

        Liked by 1 person

      6. No girl resembles another, sis. And, like you say, we are kinda similar; we need to be liked, feel cute and feel not just desired but craved. All the rest is anecdote. Our pleasure and well-being comes from another mental source than man’s. As a former top, I can say it for sure. Pleasure belong to girls, but we do need a good mate to be happy.

        Liked by 1 person

      7. “Pleasure belongs to girls”. Well. I’m not going to disagree with you there.

        People with strong female characters are by nature loving, affectionate, and doting. Intensely aware of the needs of those around them. Sooo yes. My pleasure first. That way I don’t get short changed AND I have enough resources to care for the people I love. Win/Win.


        Liked by 1 person

  2. Orgasming is mental… especially as you get older 🙂
    I find that it doesn’t take much for me to start to loose my erection – a pain in my knee, sounds of the kids moving around, seemingly indifference of my wife in the middle of the act.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. That would be fun indeed!!!


      I discussed putting make-up and a wig on him. He has offered to let me do whatever I want, dress him up and such. He has these soft plush red lips I want to see with lipstick on so badly. I think we should try all this is private first though. Gradually.

      Sometimes even when it’s something people are open to and even may want it can stir up things. I know this is true for me and BDSM. We shall see. I have wanted to solidify our bond first and establish deep trust. Yes this is fun and games but it’s so much more too……. to me at least.

      And thanks for the praise. I especially appreciate it today. For some reason I’ve been very self conscious about my blogs recently….. more so than ever. So thanks. 🙏🏽😊❤️


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