The morning felt a bit off. No matter how hard I tried to concentrate on my morning meditation…. thoughts just kept invading my space. I maneuvered my way around it as best I could. Then I go to look at my emails and I have a LinkedIn message. Not unusual except today it was asking me in big capital letters if I knew this person and immediately my heart reacted adversely.
I dislike very few people in the world. I have animosity against even fewer. Even people that have gone out of their way to harm me I generally don’t hold a grudge against. For starters because it’s easier for me that way. If I forgive them and make peace with the situation then I can just let the whole ordeal go and it doesn’t fester and keep boiling over like a cauldron in a dark forgotten room; continually oozing hatred and anger.
But this name which I hadn’t seen in years brought a sour taste to my mouth. This man single handedly almost mad me lose my faith in humanity. Well…. that’s a bit drastic. Lol. He definitely soured me as far as taking people’s word in business transactions. That his image on LinkedIn shows him as a jovial, harmless, even lovable man made my distaste grow even stronger. I thought I had relinquished this anger. Guess it’s rearing it’s head at me like a snake from Medusa’s head saying “oh yea…. did you think I was gone?” Not him… the feelings towards him that is. If I’m not being clear here.
Then…. dumb me opens the feed and then whose name do I see also as a suggestion?? His name!!! The man I can’t love. The man who even if he wanted me (which is still up for debate as well) I CAN NOT have in my life. There he was…. smiling at me disingenuously. The morning of taunts I’m calling this.
My phone keeps acting up. Oddly, it seems to really dislike Brad. It’s erased him and and also changed his settings a few times. So none of the special tones and options work. It’s also erased his address and photo before. It did it again last night. Soooo. Hmmmph. IDK.
I like to take things as signs of something. Like the thing with Tovey this morning. That’s a sign I need to truly forgive the poor man for being a total douchebag to me. It’s a task I’m not particularly up for right this moment though. So LinkedIn… catch up with me later maybe, when I’m a bit more zen. 😝
As far as the settings go. Who knows?
The counselor last night told me when it comes to men “always follow your gut”. I think I do tend to give men the benefit of the doubt way too much and as Blakey says I’m “far too nice to them”. He of course would prefer to see me in full Domme mode with all men always. He thinks men deserve no less anyway. Which I find so charmingly funny.
Domme D Domme Domme. Maybe I do need to bring her out to play more.