I’m glad I was given the ability to sense peoples emotions because I have a terrible time gauging not only what people’s intentions are but also understanding their reactions.
I have been known to be overly blunt and truthful. I am more factual than usually needed or desired. I often hurt people’s feelings because I express the truth without always filtering it through a lens of sensitivity. I remember one gentleman I dated would tell me “I forget you’re never going to tell me what I want to hear.” He would say it jokingly but it was very true. He would ask me questions trying to coax a compliment out of me and I would always surprise him with some off the wall commentary.
I don’t seem to follow a lot of common linear thought processes that are ingrained into most people. It’s a quirk that sometimes alienates people. Interestingly it’s usually only been by bosses and superiors that have loved and appreciated this quality. Friends and family always seem to find me funny when I’m not really trying to be. Employees, colleagues and strangers seem to sometimes be caught off guard or even take offense to what I say.
Even though I never mean anything bad. Speaking the truth without accounting for people’s neurosis will do that. This is much different to insulting and/or degrading people. It’s just not pandering to people’s insecurities, truthfully because I don’t understand most of them; and for me the truth is the truth is the truth. I can handle the truth. It’s the idiocy and pretenses of life that really get to me.
I also unfortunately can not always ascertain people’s intentions. Sometimes people are much nicer or much crueler than I pick up on. I pick up on emotions which are the effect but I don’t always understand or read the causation well. Which again tends to alienate people because I don’t respond as they intend or want me to.
I sometimes need to be told I was insulted. I sometimes need to be told how demonstrative, kind and attentive a person is being to me. I frankly just assume people are being themselves and I don’t take it personal. I try to be gracious and grateful irregardless of what people do.
So it takes people telling me “hey…look… it IS personal”. Which is basically someone just telling me my response and interpretation was incorrect. But this isn’t something I work at trying to fix. I truthfully don’t think I have some feature most people must have. Which is why I am truly so grateful to be able to read people’s emotions. Otherwise I can’t imagine not only the disconnect but how easily I could be manipulated.
But you can’t easily manipulate something that changes with the input received. It would essentially be a new response to each situation. That is after all what I am truly striving for in trying to be genuine and is much more important to me than whatever it is I seem to falter at. We are all unique creatures. All with our own pluses and minuses. That I take everything with a grain of salt or don’t take things too seriously is just part of the way my thought processes work.
No reason to belittle myself over it. Rather I’m just taking a moment to be thankful that where one connection failed another bridge was built to help navigate my way in this mad, mad world.
Oh yea and I did manage to orgasm twice the other day. Took a bit but well worth the effort. Nothing like human touch though. I’ll take a mediocre orgasm with a real person to three spectacular orgasms by myself. It’s my tactile nature. What can I say?