God I’m feeling bitchy. I never did take that bubble bath the other night. Truthfully I’ve gained like 12 pounds over the summer and I’m feeling crappy about it and you can ignore it in the shower but not so much lounging naked in a suds-less bathtub. It’s so fucking idiotic. I’m the first person to say and believe women are beautiful in ALL sizes and ugghhhhh. I hate being a hypocrite. But I’m also not feeling that great energy-wise with the extra poundage. Hmmph.
I’m thinking of breaking up with Brad. I don’t have a really clear logical reason for this. It’s just a nagging feeling. Maybe it’s just how fucking complicated the whole thing is. Today I got up, showered, shaved, threw on my vinyl dress, high heels, full make-up and waited for him on my couch with my whip in hand. We proceeded to do this.
I really need to work on my rope skills. Don’t I? It was fun. I wanted to push him until he cried, but that didn’t happen. He started feeling dizzy and weak so I took him down and rode him (using my bullet) until I orgasmed long and loud. It was luscious.
Then we went to lunch and argued, or rather disagreed about almost everything and proceeded to really get on each other’s nerves. So much so that he seemed overly anxious to leave. I was pressing him about his financial future. He told me to stop nagging him. But here’s the thing. He is the one talking about marriage and putting a ring on me and moving us all in. I’ve clearly explained to him that I have 6 months to get myself financially solvent and that is my number 1 goal.
He meanwhile has given me no indication of how he plans on being self sufficient. As far as I know he lives off disability and his fathers generosity. Which is fine for him but when he’s buying me $100 dinners at fancy Italian restaurants it makes me feel like I’m stealing from his father. I’m not a teenager. A 5 year plan is not unreasonable. If this is just fun so be it. I can do fun. He has to be more clear with himself and me. I’m trying to live in reality. I didn’t say it was a fun place to always inhabit…… but that’s what BDSM is for. 😉 lol
I’m sooo fucking frustrated. I should not be making decisions on breaking up with him when I’m in this weird emotional state. He’s going out of town for 10 days tomorrow. This will be good for us I think. This weekend is also the event at Catalyst with my lovely fellow Domme’s. Can’t wait!! I could use some lighthearted mirth and fun deviancy. I may even do some pick-up play. Maybe; but probably not.
I do so enjoy just being a fly on the wall watching the tastings the other Domme’s orchestrate. So creative. I love to see them radiating power and majesty. Watching the exchanges is such a huge turn on for me. Huge!!!