Intensity

I’ve been clicking through so many intense feelings these last few days

Like a viewmaster on speed

Happy

Sad

Anxious

Angry

Calm

Horny

Cycling through them fast and furious

Over and over

There’s a lunar event that ends on the 9th.

Fingers crossed

I’m hoping that maybe in 2 days I get some relief from the frenzy in my emotional state

Wait and see I guess

I know….

Everyone has off days

Everyone gets hormonal

Everyone takes wild rides on the emotional spectrum.

Don’t they?

I don’t know

I don’t have a barometer for normalcy

I’m just trying to find the path of greatest authenticity.

To leave a portraiture of me

That’s the real me

Somewhere in the wind

In the hearts of those that know me

In all of my glory and faults

Those that still find love for me through it all

It crosses my mind though

Am I maybe not lovable?

I know I’m very guarded

I know I have lots of shields up

I know I have this pomp and arrogance about me

That is just a cover for the overly gushy inside

I hold this deep curiosity that I’ve masked as a form of judgement

I’m trying to cut these all down

But when I built them they were all I had to brace onto

And I’m not sure how strong of a foundation I have

Without the labyrinths of justifications

In being who I am

I search for gratefulness and graciousness

Within myself

But then again

It’s a lot sometimes

The turmoil within this life I was given

And emotionally

My coping skills don’t always match my needs

And of course when I feel like this

Like I can barely keep it glued at the seems

How am I not to falter in my “civilized behavior”?

It’s amazing to me I’ve gotten this far really

Sometimes

Holding all these spinning plates in the air

And I wonder myself how I even manage it.

“Letting the days go by, letting the water hold me down” – Talking Heads

Author: porngirl3

I have always enjoyed reading and writing. Maybe because I have always been on the quiet and reclusive side; which most people may not guess at first glance or if seeing me in a social setting, especially around people I am comfortable with but it’s also not something I have an issue with. I need solitude to recharge. Writing gives me the peace and time to renew myself...here that is offered to you for your enjoyment and pleasure as well. I hope. Lol

5 thoughts on “Intensity”

  1. I feel these things often as well, just not to the extent or intensity that you do. My wife is also more sensitive to these roller coaster rides. Perhaps your past…your walls (& their reasons) are why you are more sensitive to these emotions.
    Now that it is the 10th, how do you feel?

    Liked by 1 person

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