I’ve been clicking through so many intense feelings these last few days
Like a viewmaster on speed
Cycling through them fast and furious
Over and over
There’s a lunar event that ends on the 9th.
I’m hoping that maybe in 2 days I get some relief from the frenzy in my emotional state
Wait and see I guess
Everyone has off days
Everyone gets hormonal
Everyone takes wild rides on the emotional spectrum.
I don’t know
I don’t have a barometer for normalcy
I’m just trying to find the path of greatest authenticity.
To leave a portraiture of me
That’s the real me
Somewhere in the wind
In the hearts of those that know me
In all of my glory and faults
Those that still find love for me through it all
It crosses my mind though
Am I maybe not lovable?
I know I’m very guarded
I know I have lots of shields up
I know I have this pomp and arrogance about me
That is just a cover for the overly gushy inside
I hold this deep curiosity that I’ve masked as a form of judgement
I’m trying to cut these all down
But when I built them they were all I had to brace onto
And I’m not sure how strong of a foundation I have
Without the labyrinths of justifications
In being who I am
I search for gratefulness and graciousness
But then again
It’s a lot sometimes
The turmoil within this life I was given
My coping skills don’t always match my needs
And of course when I feel like this
Like I can barely keep it glued at the seems
How am I not to falter in my “civilized behavior”?
It’s amazing to me I’ve gotten this far really
Holding all these spinning plates in the air
And I wonder myself how I even manage it.
“Letting the days go by, letting the water hold me down” – Talking Heads